More night terrors. Well, they call them “night”, but I usually have mine early morning. Yell and scream, and curse in my sleep. Another unrestful night. I wake up exhausted and aching everywhere. Even the joints in my fingers hurt as I type this with one finger on my phone.
The anxiety is high, my depression is high. Feeling powerless over everything in my life.
I envy those in control. I have no income, the transcription company changed their metrics, and I got bumped back down to the level of trying to transcribe prison calls and people with mumbling thick accents. It’s a nightmare.
I have no money, no car, no real friends in the city, no family… It’s lonely.
What’s going on at home, being evicted, not knowing where we’re going to live, is a nightmare.
The sleeplessness, the stress, the struggle, feeling sick all the time, being in pain, it’s ALL a nightmare.
Why am I even here?
What’s my purpose?
I feel like a burden. I feel like a loser.
No wonder I’m having the PTSD dreams again.
Going to keep trying for a job. I hate having to work for 4-6 hours, hurting my body, for a measly $15 – $20.
I am so much more than this.
Feeling shattered today.