Dealing with people for the better part of nearly 45 years has taught me something. People are shit.
People like to prey on the vulnerable, take advantage of the kind, walk all over the meek, and generally assert their dominance over anyone in their path.
Something happened to me over this winter. This winter had me sick and laid up more than any winter to date. I broke bones, I fell a few times, kept getting sick and my arthritis was at a 10 most days.
Now, I don’t know if it’s the menopause, or the amount of time I spend alone thinking, or the many videos and research I’ve done into dealing with narcissistic abuse from family and friends, as well as CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), but I feel like I’ve aged in wisdom about 10 years or more.
I grew a backbone.
I’ve learned not a lot of people don’t enjoy my new found confidence, joie de vivre, my way of living, my lack of fucks to dish out.
Who do you think you are judging others? Judge not lest ye be judged – Matthew 7:1.
The most effective way to be judged yourself, is to judge someone else. You don’t know what a person has been through, is dealing with, whether they have support or not, whether they’re being abused. So it’s best to keep your judging mouth shut unless you want all of your skeletons pouring out of your proverbial closets.
Who do you think you are to give me medical advice about my conditions? Last time I checked, your were slinging cannabis, not getting your degree in medicine.
Who do you think you are giving out life advice when your own house is a mess. If you’re a mess yourself, why let that influence and affect another person? Keep your mess to yourself thank you, and kindly fuck off.
Who do people think they are these days? Self absorbed, entitled, selfish twats.
Have you ever noticed how heartily someone will argue something they know virtually nothing about? Ignorant twat. The Dunning-Kruger Effect is at maximum throttle in our society.
To all the Brendas and Karens out there sporting your let me speak to your manager haircuts, who do you think you are? What are you doing hun? (We’re all huns here) Do you think you are the only women with children? Problems at work? Customer service issues? Wrong order sent to your table? Incorrect change given? Did someone cut you off in traffic, or take the parking spot you were gunning for at Walmart?
I think I need to remind you, you are not a unique snowflake.
What makes you so special above everyone else? I’d really like to know. Maybe write a little comment explaining why you feel you’re more important than anyone else in our world.
Who do I think I am? I think I’m just a busted up ol’ broad, blogging for free therapy, struggling to get through one day at a time. I stay humble. I am not better than anyone. I have issues and I recognize those. I am here merely by the grace of God.
It would serve us more if we could all be a little bit more humble. A little bit more compassionate, just a tiny bit more empathetic to others.
Stop the judging, the gossiping, the putting yourself on that pedestal that no one sees but you. Stop interfering with other people’s lives and focus on your own.
I’m in menopause. Full blown menopause. I’m 44 so it’s early onset from a prior medical incident following emergency surgery for Endometriosis. Endometriosis is a disease that not a lot of people know about or understand but lemme tell you, it affects A LOT of women. Roughly 10-20% of women in North America suffer from Endometriosis which affects everything menstrual cycles, mood swings, pain. So much pain. You see get these cysts that develop from hormone levels; environmental things like the foods we eat, or the chemicals we are exposed to as fetuses and young developing women. These cysts over time multiply and multiply. They sometimes rupture which, depending on the size and location of the cyst can result in not only toxic material flowing in to your body which can cause sepsis. It can result in many emergency room visits, and Ladies, don’t you dare think this isn’t ambulance worthy- it is. It will be the most excruciating thing you will ever experience next to childbirth. Truth, and I don’t have children, but fuck me- that looks mighty painful. These cysts then go on to form colonies of cysts that can fuse your organs together. My ENTIRE endocrine system is fused in these cysts. That means my ovaries, well I only had one partially working one anyway, my bladder, bowel and uterus are fused. I was unable to carry children. I got pregnant once and I had miscarriage. After an emergency surgery, as my body was in sepsis I was placed on a drug called Lupron which medically induced menopause. After that, I was prescribed Depo Provera for 6 months before getting the Mirena IUD which completely stopped my periods for 7 years. I started experiencing the premenopausal symptoms around age 39 then full blown Menopause this year. It’s been well over a year and a half since my last period.
I don’t have anyone to talk about this with. I mean, you don’t talk about menopause, it’s something old ladies get. Right? So we often suffer in silence with all these symptoms because, it’s embarassing. Why? I’m not sure. I don’t have a mom or a step mom to talk to, and I seem to be the first one of my friends going through this, that I know of anyway. While I am recovering from pneumonia (I’m so hopped up on meds and this relentless cough) I decided to write a blog post about this.
First thing you need to understand ladies: You’re NOT GOING CRAZY. It’s a fact of life and the end of a natural cycle in a woman’s life. Some of us will have it sooner than later, some of us will have it harder than others. It’s not gross. Periods were gross. I won’t get in to the gory details, men can’t handle this talk, and it’s my hope a few men will read this so they can understand their partners a little better.
Your hormones are battling it out for sheer dominance at every given moment of the day. Your emotions will become hijacked, your mind will race with thoughts of anger, frustration, sadness, hunger, remorse, guilt, fatigue. This can take place over the course of an hour. It’s kind of like developing Borderline Personality Disorder.
My food tastes have changed dramatically. I don’t crave the sugar and the salt like I once did. Because of other health issues, immune system disorders, CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) Fibromyalgia & Osteoarthritis) I eat a fairly clean diet. I reduced my animal proteins and increased plant proteins, I avoid gluten and dairy as much as I can. I eat as organic as I can, I don’t consume alcohol* so this combined with fairly regular low impact exercise I have kept my weight down but it’s not uncommon that women gain weight during this time.
The Crying. Oh God, the crying. Unless you’re a stern, or staunch woman, you will experience bouts of tears that appear out of nowhere. You will cry from anything ranging to past memories, to things you are grateful for. My friend bought me a book that I wanted – BOOM- crying. Someone letting you cut in a line when you’re in a hurry- BOOM- crying. An elderly person wins the big prize on The Price is Right- BOOM-crying. So help you God if they win BOTH showcases! It’s an emotional roller coaster. I recommend maybe a COSTCO membership just to save on Kleenex and chocolate.
WHY AM I ON FIRE? Is this what spontaneous human combustion feels like? I think this is what spontaneous human combustion feels like. I NEED TO GET THIS BLOODY SHIRT OFF!!!! All that needed to be bolded because this is how it will go through your mind when a hot flash kicks in. BUY HANDHELD FANS IN BULK. Those bitches break. Mine just broke this past week and I tell you what.. scream .. I need that fucking thing and they are APPARENTLY fucking seasonal so you can’t find one goddamn hand held and/or power fan in this Godless city. Sorry for the cursing. THAT’S gonna happen a lot more too. Thanks to the rage of a hundred angry, hungry, fighting dogs that has now set up pit in your head, frequent shows, all access, anyone can view for free! Be sure to include children because Lord are they little shits now. It’s not their fault. I blame the internet and handheld devices. It’s commercialism’s fault. They’ve fried your brain a bit as a parent and as developing youth because…. what’s on Facebook/Pinterest/ Twitter/YouTube/Netflix……?” It’s not your fault, society has changed us for the worse. We’re all just slightly bigger dicks for it.
Hot flashes will begin in your chest area and sweep up your neck and face until, unless you have a fan, you will literally pour water from your body. You’ll sweat more. It’s gross. I can’t often wear make up because of it. What’s the point without a fan your make up is no match for a hot flash. Oooh! Cosmetic companies: Create makeup for hot flash women. Wait, it would probably include some carcinogen and cause cancer. Fuck. Scrap that. Wear light layers and go with my bulk handheld fan recommendation. Get a small power fan and keep one next to where you sit in the daytime, in the evening time, and next to your bed. Drink LOTS of water. If you don’t you’ll get A LOT of headaches. It’s because of the hot flashes and all the sweating. A good way to tell if you’re dehydrated is the color of your pee. The darker it is, the more water you should pound. It should increasingly get lighter then clear. If it doesn’t, you may have an infection. (bladder, urinary tract, kidney) Go see a doctor for God sake what’s wrong with you?
There are some natural things out there you can take in supplement form you can find at any pharmacy or nutrition store. Black Cohosh, flax seed, Calcium, Vitamin D, Wild Yam, Ginseng, DHEA, Dong Quai, Soy (if you’re not allergic of course) Currently I have no access to these right now so I’m going on nothing.
You’ll want to keep a towel nearby to cover up the sopping wet mess you will constantly leave on your sheets and pillow cases. Trust me, lay that towel down on the wet spot and go to sleep because Girl, you’re tired and you a’int got time to wash sheets in the middle of the damn night what are you doing?? You’re just gonna be in the same boat tomorrow. But you will need to frequent up your sheet changing regime. Keep a change of clothes nearby and change them if you are wet, I think this could be why I got pneumonia.
It’s like going through puberty all over again I’ve noticed my anxiety has kicked up several notches. You’ll probably experience bouts of insomnia simply because you can’t shut your brain off. I also went through some adult acne. I think my voice is even deeper than it was. Keep to a healthy diet and exercise the way you want to, it can help and it’s just common sense. You may get some unexpected unflattering hair growth as well. Tweezers and good depilatory creams will become a must.
Your chances of having a child, or another child is done now. You may need to process this. Cry it out, that is how you process things. You have to allow yourself to feel things in order to move past it. This is true with any traumatic event we encounter. Think about it, cry about it, pray about it, have some inner dialogue about it, eat some dairy free ice cream and you’ll probably move on and feel better.
Your sex drive will probably decrease Our bodies use sex to procreate mainly so once the need to procreate ends you will probably feel the urge a little less. You may have to put in a little more effort with your partner during this time. That effort would include finding things to stimulate your desires, discussing things with them so they don’t think it’s them, which can leave them feeling a little neglected. We should always show love to our partners- when they deserve it. Those assholes.
You should experience some emotional growth as well as some confidence during this time With maturity comes an understanding that shit just is what it is. You can’t control or change everything. You are not Superwoman. You are not a unique snowflake. You don’t have to have the body of a 25 year old because, Surprise Bitch! You’re NOT 25. I for example, am just a broad. Just a broad getting through day by day through the Grace of God.
It’s not all bad. It can be pretty freeing to not give a fuck anymore.
I really hope this post has prepared you a little bit. Maybe you’ll learn what to expect and can prepare. Share this with your lady friends, share this with partners. Because Menopause is a family event. It will affect your loved ones, your friends, your work, your energy levels and it IS a big deal because of all these things.. I often wonder, if men experienced menopause would there be paid leaves and loads of information out there for them. Possibly a national holiday in honor of it. National Men’s Awareness Month. They can have March, no one likes March. Look how much research has gone into extending erections.
Why can’t we just talk about it?
*update: (June 2019) I have begun drinking again. Because fuck menopause, and a little alcohol seems to help with the hot flashes.
Well, hello old friends. It’s been a while since I’ve logged in and touched base. I have been working harder than I have in years, hence my absence. Between the radio show I host with my partner 5 days a week, I have also added a Saturday radio show to the roster that I host alone. I’m broadcasting 6 days a week.
“C” has begun a new job in another city. We will be leaving Saint John New Brunswick. I am currently staying in Halifax, Nova Scotia- where I’m from. The city has changed a lot in the three years I was gone. Some areas I barely recognize due to gentrification. Thanks Hipsters for driving up rental costs in the city. Much appreciated. I have some questions though. How many micro breweries does one city need? What’s the big deal with craft beer and Hipsters anyway? Why the man-bun? I’m just gonna say it… Craft beer= glass of farts. There I said it. You’re all thinking it but I said it. “C” and I are frantically searching for a suitable rental. I say frantically because ALL the apartments have been taken by students. Damn university town. Guess we know who’s really drinking all that extra gassy craft beer.
On another front, I have somewhat kicked up my medical cannabis activism game. I’m a newbie; no where near as experienced as many of my peers, but I see injustice. I hate injustice. I see people suffering with a plethora of illness ranging from chronic to terminal flailing around a medical system hell bent on prescribing this and that only to manage symptoms, never addressing the cause. Pharmaceutical tyranny I call it. I see a void in our current system and I feel like I have just as good of a voice as anyone else. I have partaken in a video that’s going viral, standing with other patients addressing how invaluable dispensaries are to us. I have also given an interview with a local paper- it just came out today. Change doesn’t happen without fight; without discord. I am stepping out of my comfort zone and stepping up. I think more of us need to do this in our everyday lives. Step out, step up. A little tip? We won’t die nor break as a result of stepping out of our comfort zones. As a society, we have become complacent much to our detriment. We allow ourselves to be distracted by things that don’t affect us, don’t matter or don’t serve us, and when it’s suggested we put forth an effort, suddenly, many people simply “don’t have the time”. It’s true that there are many demanding professions and careers out there, but let’s be honest; you have time, you just couldn’t be bothered and you’re not a cardiovascular surgeon.
“Leave it for someone else”
“So and So will take care of it”
“Surely the government will step in”
No. These are incorrect statements, and they stink of naivete.
Your government doesn’t care about you. You know why? Because democracy is a misconstrued notion. It’s a dead sentiment. Countries are run by corporations. Money and lobby groups dictate policy and laws. The FDA? A laughable organization. It’s about who can contribute how many dollars. It’s bullshit studies done by the very same drug companies trying to patent their poisons medicines. “Surely there are drug trials and tests” you might retort. Yeah there are. Two. Two tests. Often performed by the drug companies’ own teams. That’s not biased at all. You know what else happens in government? Nepotism. Look at how many Trumps are fucking up running the White House. Here in Halifax, Nova Scotia, the city police chief is our Premiere’s brother. You can’t make this shit up folks.
Two days ago, my best friend’s dispensary was robbed in broad daylight by police raided. A lot of people are left without medication now and two people who volunteer their time to help other patients, one- a single mother of three- are now facing charges and court appearances. Is this necessary? Is this fair? This friend has given me medication at no cost many times so that I am not sick, so that I can function at a reasonable level and enjoy a reasonable quality of life. (It’s not illegal to give or trade cannabis among patients- just an FYI) Do you know how grateful I am? This friend has given medication and has offered a compassionate ear to virtually anyone truly in need. There are thousands of patients that rely on Higher Living Wellness Centre. Thousands of people have been made to feel safe, welcome, listened to, and many have developed life long friendships, and enjoy a peaceful sense of community with other like minded individuals. We harm no one. We bother no one. We have medical prescriptions for cannabis. No one is served without a prescription and ID. The patients they serve range in ages all over the board and the cases range from things like cancer, MS, Parkinson’s, to Fibromyalgia, to rheumatoid arthritis, to PTSD and other painful life altering conditions. Conditions that many doctors simply give up on. It becomes a game of “let’s try this” “let’s increase that” ” I heard good things about this drug” Doctors are in the game of symptom management. Although here in Canada, doctors can’t accept “kickbacks” they CAN accept training in places like the Bahamas for 2 weeks or a nice golfing vacation. Doctors are still bought here in Canada, they just accept a different currency.
For many of us, we have come to rely on communities like this. Let’s not forget, the fast approaching legalization debacle was built on the backs of compassion clubs and dispensaries just like Higher Living Wellness. It’s infuriating to me that the people with all the knowledge, the care and understanding of this plant; this GOD GIVEN plant are being locked out of an entire industry. It’s infuriating to me that the government thinks it’s OK for a stage 4 breast cancer patient to get in line at the liquor store behind two twenty year olds looking to enhance their bar game that night. It’s infuriating to me to tell someone dying of cancer that he has to log in on a computer with a credit card to a faceless entity for his legal medicine? There’s no one you can ACTUALLY speak with when dealing with LPs. It’s all email. There no recommendations, there’s no teaching moments between an LP and a patient. This is access for sick people?? Are you joking? This must be a joke. No one really treats the ill like this do they? They do in Canada. They do in Halifax Nova Scotia. The Nova Scotia government doesn’t care about us, they don’t care about you. I have already lost faith in doctors, I have since lost faith in my government, I have now lost faith in the police. It’s become clear to us that we are nothing in their eyes.
We can’t have that. I can’t have that. I cannot foresee a future where all my rights have been stripped and I am forced to live a bed bound isolated life again and not have at the very least TRIED to fight back.
I have always been a fighter, I will always be a fighter.
Maybe cannabis is not your fight, that’s fine. But I bet there’s something you need to be fighting for. Don’t let your hesitation fester in to a life long regret. Don’t be caught off guard and steamrolled; governments are notorious for silently removing rights while you’re playing Candy Crush or taking the latest Facebook quiz. Take action. There is SO MUCH wrong in this world right now, pick your battle and fight for it. Fight with everything you have.
First, let me start off noting how much of a terrible blogger I am. Since February, wifey and I have been doing a Monday to Friday live radio show on Higher Living Wellness Radio, an internet radio station. I also write a blog for them. It surrounds medical cannabis, cannabis news and reviews from a Canadian perspective. We also play music to medicate by. A lot of harder rock, alternative and metal. That keeps me pretty busy. After the show, I’m usually over stimulated from constant web surfing, tweeting and interacting on several social media platforms all whilst listening to metal music. This has resulted in my reluctant absence from my blog. I mean, I want to blog. I’m just too damn tired. One thing I do often have energy for is reading random web comments on Facebook, Twitter and Reddit posts. I’m a bit of a lurker. If you ever want a snapshot of a microcosm that amplifies ALL that is wrong in our society, read some internet comments, but not for TOO long, as you will quickly lose all faith in humanity leading you to the conclusion that we are all doomed as humans. People are rude. Not just rude, but outright savages with one another. It’s amazing how people seem to feel free and entitled to unleash the most obscene, vulgar, hatred upon another person. It pops up in the most unexpected places too. For example, today, I was scrolling through my news feed when I saw a post on one of the (far too) many dachshund groups I belong to. Someone needed help to pay for an expensive surgery for their dog and right away someone felt the need to judge this person for paying a lot of money to save her companion. First of all, most people think of their dogs as family, many people only have their dogs and no one else, and if something happens to your family- you take care of it. Is it a lot of money? Yes? But who am I to judge? I’d do it too if my Lucy got sick and I was able to raise the funds to make her better. This simple post turned into a hate fest, begun by one person. Things often escalate quickly in the comments section of an internet post. It can go from “Stuff it” to “I will peel the skin from your face and turn it in to a soup to feed you with” in literally seconds. The problem with spending too much time reading comments is that it ultimately leads you to the temptation to participate in the discussion. “Well, I don’t like THAT, here’s MY opinion.” Why do we feel the need to do this? Who does it serve really? Yeah, you might get off some quick witted zingers to your satisfaction but who cares? Why contribute? When I saw all the strife this post caused I eventually DID comment. I commented with the fact that statements like this individual’s are meant to incite anger to create fights online. Some people have very little in their lives, some people can’t process things, some people are just having a bad day and some people are just plain mentally ill. You can’t reason with these people. The best thing to do is ignore responses like that. Don’t give that person any attention, after all, this is what they seek so denying them the satisfaction is like snuffing out a candle. It can stop there if you want it to. Just don’t engage. The original poster of the offensive statement attempted to initiate an argument with me. I responded with a simple, “Nope- not engaging, sorry- have a nice day” with a big smiley face. There is so much wrong with our world I can’t even begin to write about it, but the thing I see most frequently, is how terrible we treat one another. How quickly we can verbally assault or attack someone online from the comforts of our home and the protective barrier of a computer screen. It’s disparaging. The lack of respect we show to other human beings is overwhelming at times. Where do comments like this come from? One word. Pride. People have over inflated senses of who they are now with the popularity of social media. Everything is about ego and making one’s self appear “better” than what one truly is. We need to step back and take a lesson in humility. Learn to be humble. Resist taking part in these types of negative engagements online because it only spreads negativity. Why let some random person you’ll never meet have the power to sour YOUR day? Exercise restraint, scroll past and move on. I feel like we all need to start BEING the changes we want to see in our world.
What does the Bible say about pride and humility?
Jeremiah 9:23 This is what the LORD says: “Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches
Philippians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves
Proverbs 8:13 To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.
Proverbs 21:24 The proud and arrogant person—“Mocker” is his name— behaves with insolent fury.
James 4:10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up
Be better than the comments you read. Be that change.
Pssst. Hey you. Yeah you reading this. You know what? You’re special.
You’ve been through a lot which is partially what led eventually to blog and then stumble upon this post. or maybe you clicked on it from a social media site, from a friend or colleague. Maybe you stumbled upon it from Twitter. Either way; YOU ARE SPECIAL.
You are loved by someone. Be it your partner, family, friends, pets, colleagues, online friends and God.. even if you don’t believe in Him. You matter.
You are beautiful. For all the cracks and flaws and pain and things that have changed you, scarred you even. You are beautiful.
You are here. Here now in one single moment. A moment of self reflection and maybe a little doubt of my sincerity. I assure you, I mean what I say.
You need to be reminded from time to time that you have an impact on other people. Somewhere out there, someone admires you. Admires an aspect of your personality that perhaps they don’t have the courage or resources to emulate themselves.
You need to be reminded that the people who matter, are grateful for you. Your absence would create a serious void in these people’s lives and hearts.
You need to know you are appreciated. If you’ve sacrificed, it’s not gone unnoticed. Even if the people you’ve sacrificed for are too ashamed or prideful to thank you.
I would like to tell you thank you.
Thank you for your kindness/ help/ listening skills/ drives/ financial help/ making me laugh/ thinking of me/ including me/ the coffees and fancy drinks/ food/ love/ friendship/ support/ encouragement.
After blogging for 5 years and developing this site and The Blog Broad, I really want to go .com. Limited resources have prevented me from doing so thus far but I’m hoping I can do that soon. I am confused though.
A lot of my blogger pals are .coms so I thought I’d put out a few questions if anyone can answer these for me I’d really appreciate it.
Do I just “upgrade” my WordPress account? And if I do so, is my writing MY property or is it owned by WordPress?
I’ve heard that you should back up your site? What does that even mean? Back it up to where? What?
Do all my posts automatically carry over to the upgraded site?
I see things like Blue Host and I’ve tried to read and watch videos about it but.. I don’t understand why I need that? Can anyone clarify this shit for me?
What’s the advantage of going to an outside host? Is it just cost?
What’s the simplest way for me to get a .com AND access to new themes and fonts to make my site more visually appealing?
How much do YOU pay annually for your blog.com? I’m Canadian so, include where you’re from so I can convert. (It’s usually double plus a poutine)
I’ve watched several videos on changing hosts, using WordPress etc, but I need someone to break it down like I’m a novice because I have a 43 year old ME/CFS brain and a lot of these tutorials are hosted by seemingly scientists and wizards. Any recommendations?
Can you recommend any other reading/viewing material that I might find helpful, useful or humorous? (I could use a chuckle)
I want it to be a clear, simple transition and I want to do it right. I want to be able to take advantage of the SEO plugin thingy as well. That seems to be a buzzword going around. Do you use that? Does it cost extra?
I thank you for your time, comments and suggestions
Please subscribe to my mailing list and follow me on Twitter @LezGeek
I don’t want to sound like another man hating lesbian, but I am becoming a man hating lesbian.
For years I have been watching almost every damn woman I know struggle. Struggle for equality in pay, struggle for opportunities, struggle in love, with their self worth and even with their own identities. At the root of a lot of these struggles, is men.
I see my well educated double degree and masters holders, business owners, professionals, beautiful strong women friends being oppressed by men. I see friends who are absolutely stunning women, struggling with self confidence. I see talented, exceptional women being held back with pay and job security. I see my highly intelligent friends questioning themselves. I see my beautiful friends everywhere being treated poorly by men children.
What’s a man childyou ask? Well it’s simple. It’s a man who’s emotional growth stopped at pubescence. He cares about material items, looking cool or tough in front of others. He likes his toys. He thinks primarily of himself and his needs rarely giving a moment to consider yours. He doesn’t ask you about you and would rather blather on about his own problems. He likes to hear himself talk and often seeks an audience. He doesn’t see you as an equal. He sees you as his property, his meal ticket, his product, his inferior because he is the man and you’re the woman. He can’t handle pressure or any real responsibility either.
I’m angry about how men have been treating women for ages both professionally and personally, and in light of recent events of all the shit bags in entertainment, news and politics being called out, I want to jump in on that momentum.
It needs to stop.
A man doing the same job as his female co worker should not earn more simply because he has a penis. “Oh this doesn’t still happen though, things have changed” you might say. No. They haven’t. Most women (unless you’re Meryl fucking Streep) working in entertainment, TV, film, news and radio, often, do NOT earn equal pay to her male counterpart. And honestly, I bet Meryl had to endure her fair share of shit early in her career. Women’s ideas are NOT listened to or taken seriously. She is forced to endure inappropriate comments and unwanted advances. She is told she has to look pretty and wear make up. She is undervalued, underpaid and overworked.
“But if you work hard you can do anything you set your mind to”
That’s some great advice from a man right there, because he is oblivious to how the other half truly lives. It’s not his fault, he’s just always been a man.
“There are still some great men out there.”
Yes, but they are few and far between. A dying breed if you will. We had a small resurgence of the sensitive man that came as a result of 90s grunge and the angst ridden, tortured souls of the Prozac and Cobain generation. These men can often be found sporting beards and man buns wearing toddlers like vests.
“What is a real man then?”
A real man builds others up regardless of gender.
A real man sees qualifications and hard work, not your breasts.
A real man treats women others with respect.
A real man has integrity.
A real man isn’t guided simply by ego.
A real man treats his woman with respect, is supportive, caring and kind. He puts your needs before his own. He values you as a partner and a person. He loves his family.
“What makes you an expert in men? You’re gay.”
For 34 years I lived in denial trying to get by as a “straight woman”. I dated many men. I have a father and step father. I have 3 step brothers. I have had probably 20 male bosses in my life and hundreds of male co workers. I’ve always had plenty of female friends throughout my life, and I am a good listener. I have paid attention.
You might be a shit bag employer if:
You hire women based on what they look like. As a teen, I worked in 2 of biggest coffee shops for years. Not only was I sexually harassed, had my boss rub up against me, but, that same boss blatantly stated one day that he’s “not going to hire her, because she’s kind of ugly and has a big ass.” Now that’s a minimum wage job. We see all the shit that’s coming out of the woodwork in the high power world of entertainment, news and politics- (Matt Lauer I’m looking you, you dirty creepy shit weasel) what do you think it’s like in the real world?
You say really inappropriate, cringeworthy things to and around your female staff and colleagues. I had an employer tell me once that I had “Nice blow job lips.” This came from a supervisor. Fucking creepy. I didn’t even feel safe at a couple of my jobs.
You talk about sex openly.
“Pal, you’re barking up the wrong tree. I don’t want to hear about it, and I certainly don’t want to picture your ugly ass naked.”
Look, I know there a few good men still out there. I even know a handful. I see you, I applaud you, I respect you.
However for all the women out there that are:
Struggling to be heard at work
Struggling with your careers in a male dominated workplace
Struggling with dead beat Dads
Being taken advantage of
Being taken for granted
Being disrespected, lied to, cheated on
Being abused verbally, physically or emotionally
You deserve more. You’re a strong, intelligent, beautiful woman. You deserve better.
I see you. I applaud you for your strength, courage and determination. I respect you.
Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,
Sam Image “Empower” courtesy of Pixabay (Creative Commons)
From time to time, when I have trouble coming up with something witty or clever to say, I go on an internet hunt for inspiring quotes to keep me motivated. I see other posts from people sharing meaningful quotes so I thought I’d share a few of my favorites.
I periodically just need to be reminded to keep persevering, that things take time, to let go of the things I cannot change or control. To kick ass and be awesome.
This one reminds me to just be myself and that I have value. I have tried to earn money by doing things I love to do. I have earned by painting, writing, dog sitting and working at a dog daycare. No matter if I am watching someone’s pet or writing a quick blog post, I take it seriously and try to do my best.
If I do a job for someone, I always try to do more than what is expected. I try not assume anything. If I don’t try, I’ll never succeed and I try not to compare myself to anyone else.
What’s important to me is my little family. By my little family, I mean my partner, her family, my dog and the couple of close friends I have. The other thing that’s important to me is having purpose. Writing gives me purpose. If I can make one person smile or laugh today, if I can be kind or provide support to my little family, then I feel like I have purpose.
I sometimes have to consciously try to let go of the past. “Nope, don’t think about that, there’s no point in rehashing it, it won’t change.” We cannot change the past, it is what it is. I have learned and grown through pain and mistakes, it’s made me the woman I am today and I am ready for the life God has planned for me.
Don’t over analyze opportunities. Grab it while it’s there and take full advantage of it. Regret is a shitty thing. I also like rocket ships.
Do anything of these speak to you? Let me know in the comments.
I learned an important lesson from my step father. When He first entered my life at age 12 he seemed a burly rigid man. He was tall and broad across the shoulders, physically strong; he was a navy man. He served for over 20 years on submarines as a sonar technician. He was at times, an asshole, but I appreciated his efforts in keeping me on the straight and narrow and providing guidance to me when my parents were more consumed by themselves than how I was doing. They had just separated; my father moved in with my now step mother and my mother began dating my now stepfather. He showed up on a motorcycle with these ridiculous goggles on his face. I later would learn he was a huge dork. A Star Trek lover and fan of ABBA I wondered what this man could possibly bring to my life. In addition to our mutual love of Star Trek, he had a sense of humor as well. So we bonded.
I was an awkward teenager morphing into an awkward adult and stressing over something stupid. Probably a shirt or my hair or some adolescent girl shit. My step father says, “Hey, don’t sweat the small stuff.” He later would offer solutions to whatever I was complaining about and rectified it quickly and efficiently. He would do this many times over the course of our relationship. Over time I learned he was right and this phrase would become a daily mantra to me in my adult life.
So many times I have caught myself stressing over some minor detail and thought, “Hey, don’t sweat the small stuff.” There are bigger things in life to stress about.
I carry this through my personal life as kind of a philosophy. There are things worth fighting over and things that aren’t. I’m not gonna berate my partner for leaving her dishes in the living room or socks on the floor. Who cares? It doesn’t really matter in the long run.
The things that are important to me are things like loyalty, honesty, kindness and love. I try to focus on those things and try to keep things in the big picture. Sure, my dog sometimes craps on the floor. I could yell at her which would upset her and me OR I can remember that overall, she has given me 6 years of unconditional love and laughter so a little shit doesn’t matter. Shit happens. Which is another one of my personal philosophies/mantras.
The next time you are about to have a freak out over something, ask yourself this?
How will I feel after I work myself up with anger?
What kind of reactions and/or emotions will this provoke in those around me? Does it really fucking matter?