So You’re Crying A Lot, Feel Like You’re Losing Your Shit & Sweating Like a Construction Worker? Oh Snap. It’s Menopause.

menopause_illustration_libertyantoniasadler_metro
Illustration by Liberty Antonia Sadler

I’m in menopause. Full blown menopause. I’m 44 so it’s early onset from a prior medical incident following emergency surgery for Endometriosis. Endometriosis is a disease that not a lot of people know about or understand but lemme tell you, it affects A LOT of women. Roughly 10-20% of women in North America suffer from Endometriosis which affects everything menstrual cycles, mood swings, pain. So much pain. You see get these cysts that develop from hormone levels; environmental things like the foods we eat or the chemicals we are exposed to as fetuses and young developing women. These cysts over time multiply and multiply. They sometimes rupture which, depending on the size and location of the cyst can result in not only toxic material flowing in to your body which can cause sepsis. It results in many emergency room visits that should, yes Ladies, don’t you dare think this isn’t ambulance worthy- it is. It will be the most excruciating thing you will ever experience next to childbirth. Truth, and I don’t have children but fuck me- that looks mighty painful. These cysts then go on to form colonies of cysts that can fuse your organs together. My ENTIRE endocrine system is fused in these cysts. That means my ovaries, well I only had one partially working one anyway, my bladder, bowel and uterus are fused. I was unable to carry children. I got pregnant once and I had miscarriage. After the emergency surgery, as my body was in sepsis I was placed on a drug called Lupron which medically induced menopause. After that, I was prescribed Depo Provera for 6 months before getting the Mirena IUD which completely stopped my periods for 7 years. I started experiencing the premenopausal symptoms around age 39 then full blown Menopause this year. It’s been well over a year and a half since my last period.

I don’t have anyone to talk about this with. I mean, you don’t talk about menopause, it’s something old ladies get. Right? So we often suffer in silence with all these symptoms because, it’s embarassing, why I’m not sure. This isn’t the case though. I don’t have a mom or a step mom to talk to me and I seem to be the first one of my friends going through this, that I know of anyway. While I am recovering from pneumonia (I’m so hopped up on meds and this relentless cough) I decided to write a blog post about this.

First thing you need to understand ladies: You’re NOT GOING CRAZY. It’s a fact of life and the end of a natural cycle in a woman’s life. Some of us will have it sooner than later, some of us will have harder than others. It’s not gross. Periods were gross. I won’t get in to the gory details, men can’t handle this talk and it’s my hope a few men will read this so they can understand their partners a little better.

Your hormones are battling it out for sheer dominance at every given moment of the day. Your emotions will become hijacked, your mind will race with thoughts of anger, frustration, sadness, hunger, remorse, guilt, fatigue. This can take place over the course of an hour. It’s kind of like developing Borderline Personality Disorder.

My food tastes have changed dramatically. I don’t crave the sugar and the salt like I once did. Because of other health issues, immune system disorders, CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) Fibromyalgia & Osteoarthritis) I eat a fairly clean diet. I reduced my animal proteins and increased plant proteins, I avoid gluten and dairy, I eat as organic as I can, I don’t consume alcohol so this combined with fairly regular low impact exercise I have kept my weight down but it’s not uncommon that women gain weight during this time.

The Crying. Oh God, the crying. Unless you’re a stern woman you will experience bouts of tears that appear out of nowhere. You will cry from anything ranging to past memories, to things you are grateful for. My friend bought me a book that I wanted – BOOM- crying. Someone letting you cut in a line when you’re in a hurry- BOOM- crying. An elderly person wins the big prize on The Price is Right- BOOM-crying. So help you if they win BOTH showcases! It’s an emotional roller coaster. I recommend maybe a COSTCO membership just to save on Kleenex and chocolate.

WHY AM I ON FIRE? Is this what spontaneous human combustion feels like? I think this is what spontaneous human combustion feels like. I NEED TO GET THIS BLOODY SHIRT OFF!!!! All that needed to be bolded because this is how it will go through your mind when a hot flash kicks in. BUY HANDHELD FANS IN BULK. Those bitches break. Mine just broke this past week and I tell you what.. scream .. I need that fucking thing and they are APPARENTLY fucking seasonal so you can’t find one goddamn hand held and often power fan in this Godless city. Sorry for the cursing. THAT’S gonna happen a lot more too. Thanks to the rage of a hundred angry fighting dogs that has now set up pit in your head, frequent shows, all access, anyone can view for free! Be sure to include children because Lord are they little shits now. It’s not their fault. It’s the internet and handheld devices fault. It’s commercialism’s fault. They’ve fried your brain a bit as a parent and as developing youth because…. what’s on Facebook/Pinterest/ Twitter/YouTube……?” It’s not your fault, society has changed us for the worse. We’re all just slightly bigger dicks for it. Hot flashes will begin in your chest area and sweep up your neck and face until, unless you have a fan, you will literally pour water from your body. You’ll sweat more. It’s gross. I can’t often wear make up because of it. What’s the point without a fan your make up is no match for a hot flash. Oooh! Cosmetic companies: Create makeup for hot flash women. Wait, it would probably include some carcinogen and cause cancer. Fuck. Scrap that. Wear layers and go with my bulk handheld fan recommendation. Get a small power fan and keep one next to where you sit in the daytime, in the evening time, and next to your bed. Drink LOTS of water. If you don’t you’ll get A LOT of headaches. It’s because of the hot flashes. A good way to tell if you’re dehydrated is the color of your pee. The darker it is, the more water you pound. It should increasingly get lighter then clear. If it doesn’t, you may have an infection. (bladder, urinary tract, kidney) Go see a doctor for God sake what’s wrong with you? There are some natural things out there you can take in supplement form you can find at any pharmacy or nutrition store. Black Cohosh, flax seed, Calcium, Vitamin D, Wild Yam, Ginseng, DHEA, Dong Quai, Soy (if you’re not allergic of course) Currently I have no access to these right now so I’m going on nothing. You’ll want to keep a towel nearby to cover up the sopping wet mess you will constantly leave on your sheets and pillow cases. Trust me, lay that towel down on the wet spot and go to sleep because Girl, you’re tired and you a’int got time to wash sheets in the middle of the damn night what are you doing?? You’re just gonna be in the same boat tomorrow. But you will need to frequent up your sheet changing regime. Keep a change of clothes nearby and change them if you are wet, I think this could be why I got pneumonia.

It’s like going through puberty all over again I’ve noticed my anxiety has kicked up several notches. You’ll probably experience bouts of insomnia simply because you can’t shut your brain off. I also went through some adult acne. I think my voice is even deeper than it was. Keep to a healthy diet and exercise the way you want to it can help and it’s just common sense. You may get some unexpected unflattering hair growth as well. Tweezers and good depilatory creams will become a must.

Your chances of having a child, or another child is done now. You may need to process this. Cry it out, that is how you process things. You have to allow yourself to feel things in order to move past it. This is true with any traumatic event we encounter. Think about it, cry about it, pray about it, have some inner dialogue about it, and you’ll probably move on and feel better.

Your sex drive will probably decrease Our bodies use sex to procreate mainly so once the need to procreate ends you will probably feel the urge a little less. You may have to put in a little more effort with your partner during this time. That effort would include finding things to stimulate your desires, discussing things with them so they don’t think it’s them which can leave them feeling a little neglected. We should always show love to our partners- when they deserve it. Those assholes.

You should experience some emotional growth as well as some confidence during this time With maturity comes an understanding that shit just is what it is. You can’t control or change everything. You are not Superwoman. You don’t have to have the body of a 25 year old because, Surprise Bitch! You’re NOT 25. I for example, am just a broad. Just a broad getting through day by day through the Grace of God.

It’s not all bad. It can be pretty freeing to not give a fuck anymore.

I really hope this post has prepared you a little bit. Maybe you’ll learn what to expect and can prepare. Share this with your lady friends, share this with partners. Because Menopause is a family event. It will affect your loved ones, your friends, your work, your energy levels and it IS a big deal because of all these things.. I often wonder, if men experienced menopause would there be paid leaves and loads of information out there for them. Possibly a national holiday in honor of it? I dunno, that’s just my guess.

Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,

And take care of yourself.

Sam

The Blog Broad
This ol’ Broad..

Images

Menopause Your Personal Sauna https://metro.co.uk/2015/08/25/21-things-you-never-knew-about-the-menopause-5341203/

Profile picture taken by me.

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I’m Not Dead.. I Swear

The Green Room Set UpI’ve had no energy left to blog lately.  I have begun a side project.  My partner and I started a live radio show that airs 5 days a week.  It’s been exhausting!

Our show is called The Green Room Hfx.  We live in Saint John, New Brunswick but we are from, and our sponsor is in Halifax, Nova Scotia.  We talk about Medical Cannabis, we review cannabis products, discuss Canadian Cannabis news, play music and create content.  I’m still writing the cannabis blog as well so my employment right now is based all around cannabis.  It’s great to be working with something you love and are passionate about.  It just takes a lot of my time as I create content with my partner, interview people, scour the news and do all the social media stuff.  Before I know it, it’s 10:00 pm and I haven’t even eaten yet!

I have missed checking in with my favorite bloggers and I promise to take some time over the new few days and catch up on your posts.  I have terrible time management skills and it’s really showing.

I’m tired.  I’ve been working harder than I have in years.  Some days I’m on the computer for as much as 10 hours a day.  I haven’t worked in a professional setting in over 6 years so it’s been a challenge for my body to get used to sitting up so long and so frequently.

I have big plans for this radio show, there’s a lot I want to do with it.  Live interviews is one of my big goals.  It’s taken some time to learn how to use the mix board and software to produce a radio show but it’s been a fun learning experience.  Frustrating at times, but fun.

If any of you use cannabis medically and would like to share your story, please let me know in the comments.

Blackwater indica
Blackwater strain

You can listen live to our show Monday to Friday, 4-7 pm AST

https://streams.radio.co/sacb3f7a85/listen

I’d really appreciate it if you checked out our other social media platforms

Instagram Facebook & Twitter 

 

Live Humbly, Be Charitable< Live Graciously,

Sam

 

If Creativity is a Drug, it’s Probably Like Crystal Meth…

no healthier drug than creativityMy friend shared this on Facebook today.  I couldn’t agree more.  That being said, if creativity is a drug, it’s probably most like crystal meth.  I mean, I’ve never tried crystal meth (never would) but I watch A&E’s Intervention and have seen the movie Spun a couple of times.

Creativity is probably one of my favorite drugs, next to cannabis and antihistamines.  (I do love to breath out of both nose holes). When I get on a creative roll, whether it be with art or crafts or writing, I am virtually unreachable.   I didn’t hear what you just said because I’m editing my next piece in my head while you’re talking.  I find it difficult to sit still.  I’m constantly reaching for my notepad to jot down ideas and funny observances hoping to insert it later in a witty blog post.  When I can’t look at the screen anymore because my eyes are going crossed and my head hurts, I pick up my knitting or one of my coloring books.  Because, I must always be creating something.

Take right now for example.  It’s 4:10 am.  “C” is snoring away, rattling the windows, sawing enough wood to build a small village.  I am here.  Listening to my favorite YouTube narrator weaving his creepy Reddit tales that normally send me off to sleep; instead, I’m laying wide awake thinking about the things I want to write.

Most recently, my friend, that I write a cannabis blog for, approached me about putting together a radio show.  My friend owns her own business in the cannabis industry and literally has her hands in everything.  She used to sell mortgages, is a Registered Massage Therapist, an Activist, puts together Expos and festivals, has a bunch of dogs, helps the poor, and most recently, she’s sponsoring an internet radio station in addition to the blog.  I joke, but she’s a keen business woman.  I have been talking about doing a podcast with my fiancee for a while so the opportunity (kick in the pants) finally arrived.

C” recently lost her job.  She works in radio.  Terrestrial radio.  She was the co-host of a popular morning show in our city, and, as often happens in radio, her job was terminated.  It has been stressful.  We are looking at moving provinces again so we have to slowly pack up our lives from the last two and a half years while she searches for new employment.  We almost had it solved with a job back home in Halifax, Nova Scotia, but that deal fell through so we ended up cancelling that move.

Superman and KryptoniteStress is like the kryptonite of my creativity.  It blocks it.  This is part of the reason why I have been absent from my blog more than I’d like.  I’m also still dealing with the pain of a slowly healing broken wrist and hand, but stress has been the hardest.  It’s like withdrawing from opiates.  My flowing creativity is like heroin and after going balls out for four months, I have finally run out.

For close to a month, I couldn’t think of anything to write and it drove me nuts.  My appetite went down, I couldn’t sleep.  All I did was watch Netflix and knit.  I knitted like never before.  I knitted 5 things.  5 of the same things.

Just when I thought I was doomed to just sit through all the turds on Netflix.  “I may as well watch Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency.  I don’t have anything else going on.”  And for the record, that, Ladies and Gentlemen, IS a turd of a show.   My buddy approached me about the radio show.

Little does she know, she basically just handed me a big ol’ 8 Ball and left me to my own devices.  I’ve been partying hard on creativity the past few days prepping our first show.  Who didn’t play Radio DJ as a kid?  I had many cassette tapes filled with mine and my friends’ pre-pubescent voices introducing our favorite songs and making up commercials on the fly.  I have more things to learn before we go live, mostly the technical aspect as well as editing and such but I’m a fast learner.

I am so excited and scared and nervous that SURPRISE!  I can’t sleep.

This helps.  Finally writing a blog post helps.  Now I should be able to climb back in to bed, even with “C” steadily honking away, pop my headphones in and sneak in an episode of The Sasquatch Chronicles podcast.  Don’t you dare judge me.  I have an inquiring mind and the stories are riveting.

Read one of my other posts, and be sure to subscribe via email and follow me on Twitter

Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,

Sam

Images

Kryptonite to Superman  https://kugelmass.wordpress.com/2013/05/29/why-does-kryptonite-hurt-superman/

 

 

 

 

 

Shopping, CFS and Channeling Little Edie

Having a moment of being more awake than asleep, I thought I’d pop on to WordPress to write a little blurb since I’ve been absent more than I’d like as of late.  The last post I wrote was a week ago, Substitute Gifts & Crying 8 Year Olds .  Chronic Fatigue is a bitch and my wrist/hand is still giving me the gears.

I went shopping the other day with my good friend Ocean Hayward from OHWords trying to find winter apparel for a reasonable price.  Lord I hate shopping but Ocean is really good at finding deals and thanks to her patience and determination, I was able to find both boots AND a jacket for less than $100.  Now I won’t freeze my arse off when I take my dog out for her pees, and I won’t teeter on the ice, ultimately falling with my grippy new waterproof boots.

I fell on the ice last year and it was both painful and embarrassing.  You know you’re getting old when you fall in public.  When you’re young and fall, people will often laugh and snicker at your misfortune but no harm no foul.  As you age, falling makes people gasp and rush to your side “OMG, are you OK?!”  like I’m in danger of breaking a hip now, which of course I am but that’s neither here nor there.

So I am winter ready now.

On our excursion, we came across this great little Thrift store, I found a couple of coats that I would love to have just for the hell of it.  One was this long black suede coat that made me feel like Stevie Nicks, the other coat I coveted was this old fur that reminds me of Little Edie from Grey Gardens.  (I’m obsessed with that documentary and Little Edie) I had to try it on.

Channeling Little Edie

If I had $60 to blow on nothing, I would have bought it.  I really want to dress up as Little Edie for a Halloween.  The other black coat, I would have just wore, but it wasn’t quite warm enough to justify buying it.

The only drawback is that shopping for a couple of hours and walking around, trying on boots and such in 9 different stores completely wiped me out.  Within an hour of getting home, I was virtually immobile.  Muscle spasms and extreme fatigue has kept me couch and bed bound the last 2 days.  Why do I have to pay so harshly for every bit of activity I partake in?  It’s frustrating.

When the fatigue is pumped up, I can’t write as I can’t focus.  I avoid social media because I find it overwhelming.  It’s like walking into a room where hundreds of people are all talking at once.  I just want peace and quiet.

I have neglected my household chores the past 2 days so I have a pile of laundry to do, all I really want to do is crawl back in to bed and binge watch Doctor Who.

How do you handle Chronic Fatigue/Chronic Pain? 

Are you a Social Media “avoider” as well?

I always love reading your comments.  Subscribe to my mailing list and follow me on Twitter @LezGeek

Live Humbly, be Charitable, Live Graciously,

Sam

 

How Do I Go .com?

? Pixabay
Help a Broad?
After blogging for 5 years and developing this site and The Blog Broad, I really want to go .com.  Limited resources have prevented me from doing so thus far but I’m hoping I can do that soon.  I am confused though.

A lot of my blogger pals are .coms so I thought I’d put out a few questions if anyone can answer these for me I’d really appreciate it.

Do I just “upgrade” my WordPress account?  And if I do so, is my writing MY property or is it owned by WordPress?  

I’ve heard that you should back up your site?  What does that even mean?  Back it up to where?  What?

Do all my posts automatically carry over to the upgraded site?  

I see things like Blue Host and I’ve tried to read and watch videos about it but.. I don’t understand why I need that?  Can anyone clarify this shit for me?

What’s the advantage of going to an outside host?  Is it just cost?

What’s the simplest way for me to get a .com AND access to new themes and fonts to make my site more visually appealing?

How much do YOU pay annually for your blog.com?  I’m Canadian so, include where you’re from so I can convert.  (It’s usually double plus a poutine)

I’ve watched several videos on changing hosts, using WordPress etc, but I need someone to break it down like I’m a novice because I have a 43 year old ME/CFS brain and a lot of these tutorials are hosted by seemingly scientists and wizards.  Any recommendations?

Can you recommend any other reading/viewing material that I might find helpful, useful or humorous?  (I could use a chuckle)

I want it to be a clear, simple transition and I want to do it right.  I want to be able to take advantage of the SEO plugin thingy as well.  That seems to be a buzzword going around.  Do you use that?  Does it cost extra? 

I thank you for your time, comments and suggestions

-Sam

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Blogmas Not So Much

The Blog Broad BlogmasI started to write Blogmas posts but quite frankly, I’m just not feeling writing about Christmas.  See my first Blogmas post here.

It’s all so commercial.  Geared towards the consumer.  I haven’t been a proper consumer in years.  I haven’t been able to work in years.  I’m trying to do things from home.  It’s picking up but it’s slow going.   When you’re poor and chronically ill and in pain daily, your priorities change in life.  Where, at one time I fretted over things like the perfectly decorated Christmas Tree, or making sure I baked enough cookies.  Will I get all my Christmas shopping done in time?  Now I think things like, can I stay awake long enough to visit with people?  How many bed ridden days will this holiday bring?  Can I handle the stress of the travels?  Am I going to break down and cry in front of her family?  Am I going to annoy my partner because I’m so exhausted I’m going to need to rest when she wants to go out?  Please don’t let my dog poop in the house.  There’s a lot of stairs in that house and the house itself is huge.  My body is not used to that, so my legs and back often give out while I’m there.  It’s embarrassing.  ME/CFS is embarrassing.  The only other people who understand it, typically, are those with the disease.  To others, we’re just depressed or lazy or need to get out more or or or.

My partner and I also both lost our fathers.  Hers to cancer about 16 months ago; mine at his own choice by cutting me out 18 months ago.  The loss of her father still hangs heavily on everyone’s hearts.  He was a great man.  A kind, gentle and caring man; one of a kind.  My father, still alive, has always been kind of a jerk.  Selfish, immature and somewhat ignorant of the world.  He’s not a loving man.  Nevertheless, he’s my Dad.  I still love him and his absence hurts.  My mother’s absence hurts; we haven’t spoke in 5 years.  Family is actually incredibly important to me and it’s always bothered me that mine is so fractured.

Being chronically ill disables you.  Physically and mentally.  Unfortunately many of us fall into that grey area on paper where you don’t qualify for provincial or federal benefits.  Most people require legal representation to get those federal benefits.  If you can’t work, you rely on your “family”.  My family consists of my partner “C”, my dog Lucy, my partner’s family and my sisters from other misters.  These are my close gal pals that I confide in.  That confide in me.  They’ve helped me many times.  I trust these women.  In my life, I haven’t been able to rely on or really trust my own blood family, but I can trust these women.  They are my support.

I have other things on my mind right now besides Christmas.  I’m more concerned about getting by day by day.  My partner’s job could be gone any time because there’s no job security where she works.  I can’t go in to detail about what she does as it’s kind of a public job.  It’s stressful.  So, are we out spending money on presents?  No, we’re trying to keep up with bills and the ever increasing cost of eating healthfully which costs just as much as our rent I might add.

Do I want to write a holiday inspired post everyday?  No.  Not really?  I just don’t give a tiny rat’s ass right now.  I’m still battling a virus, my partner has it, my wrist is still healing/broken.  I won’t know unless I sit at the hospital emergency for hours and hours because let’s face it, it’s not really an emergency, I just don’t have a doctor and really need an X-ray.

B’ah.  Humbug.

I need a nap.

The Blog Broad tag line
Sam

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Images by Canva

Tag Along: A Christmas Tag (Blogmas #2)

I tried to finish this last night but I’m still having issues with my wrist and hand.  Pretty sure I broke something or at least, fractured bone(s).  Typing can be painful and using a mouse, almost impossible but here goes.  Better late than never.

I’m tagging on to OHWords Christmas Tag.  Apparently, bloggers post questions and you answer them in your own blog and share the link.  I’m not the Christmas-y type so I’ll do my best.

 

1. What is your favorite Christmas Tradition?

I used to love filling my dining room table with Christmas goodies and snacks and having people drop by all day Christmas Eve.  We’d have egg nog, my tree would be gorgeous and the Christmas tunes would be blaring.  That was my old tradition.

Now, the tradition I look forward to is Christmas Day breakfast.  Surprise, Sam likes breakfast food.  After the presents are open and the mess cleaned up, we retreat to the kitchen to indulge in the annual breakfast.  Last year, my sister in law made this amazing French toast bake.  I hope she makes it again this year because quite frankly, I’ve been thinking about it ever since last Christmas

2. Where do you spend Christmas?

At my mother in law’s house in Pubnico, Nova Scotia.

3. What is your favorite Christmas Song? 

I have 2.

Silent Night by Stevie Nicks

Carol of the Bells by the Trans Siberian Orchestra- you know the one that’s mislabeled as Metallica everywhere.  I thought it was with Metallica up until today when I researched it.  Color me disappointed.

4. Do you decorate before or after Thanksgiving?

I’m Canadian.  Our Thanksgiving is in October.  I usually wait until the second week of December.  I’m not one of those fools that put holiday decorations and trees up in November.  It probably stems from growing up with my father, The Grinch and The Grinch’s wife.  We didn’t put up our tree until usually a week before Christmas.

5. Tinsel or garland?

Neither.  It’s not the 70s anymore and I don’t feel like pulling tinsel out of my dog’s arse.

6. Who are you most excited to see this Christmas season?

Probably the little nieces.  They’re so adorable.  Blonde hair, big blue eyes and full of spunk.

7. Do you own an ugly Christmas sweater?

Nope.  But if I did it would probably be Doctor Who.  I saw a Dalek Christmas sweater and I want it.

8. What is one Christmas food you cannot live without? 

Now, I’m all about the lobster dip.  And cashews.  I love cashews.

9. Peppermint or gingerbread?

Gingerbread.

10. Have you ever tried fruit cake?

Yes.  I love fruitcake.  Preferably dark.  I’m the only person I know that loves fruitcake.  It’s spectacular with tea.  If you receive a fruitcake this year and don’t want it, I’m considering opening a P.O box specifically for your fruitcake donations.

11. What is one thing you asked for this Christmas?

I don’t really ask for anything.  I could use some socks and underwear.  I need a new IPad.  All of my devices are 5 and 6 years old respectively.  it’s getting to be quite the hassle.

12. If you could be any Christmas movie character, who would you be?

I would be Clark Griswold and have a big old fashioned family Christmas complete with a bohemoth tree.  Unfortunately, I am more like the Dad from A Christmas Story.  “Frag-il-ay.  Must be Italian.”

A Christmas Story Dad
It’s a major award

 

Well, there you have it.  Feel free to tag along..

 

Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,

Sam

 

Images

The old man admiring his major award  http://www.achristmasstoryhouse.com/a-christmas-story-movie-facts/the-leg-lamp/

New Traditions and Eating Your Face Off (Blogmas #1)

So I see that people are well in to their Blogmas traditions of writing Christmas inspired posts each day leading up to Christmas.  

I’m not going to give you my favorite cookie recipes, because I don’t have any.  I’m not going to tell you the best places to go or shop because, I’m poor.  I don’t Christmas shop because I can’t Christmas shop.  This is the third year in a row I can’t shop.  I only earn a little bit of money each month from blogging and doing my neighbor’s laundry.  It doesn’t equate to much.

Why don’t you make something for Christmas?  Well, you see I am short materials to do any of the crafts I typically do.  I need yarn (and frankly I am not a gifted knitter), I need paints and canvases as I am out of all those.  I don’t have ink in my printer, so homemade cards are out, I don’t have any construction paper either so.. Crafts are out.

To be honest, I kind of hate Christmas now.  I have no contact with my family.  They don’t want to see me.  My illness has inconvenienced them where I owe them money for an old loan.  They don’t even believe I have an illness, I’m simply lazy.  I have a lot of resentment towards my family now.  I don’t care if see them anymore.  To lose control over your body at a fairly young age and NOT have any support, love or compassion from your parents is miserably lonely and I’m so angry at them all (my parents are divorced and remarried so I have 4) for never being there for me.  Ever.  Any time in my life I have needed help from my parents, they’ve ignored me.  Just like when I lived with my father growing up, he ignored me.  I felt invisible.  If I cried in my bedroom- he simply turned the volume up on the TV.  I took myself to the hospital and paid for my own medications and pads.  He wouldn’t even buy me pads.

My mother hasn’t spoken to me in years banning me from ever calling her house.  I guess I was a little too happy the last time I called, it seemed to offend them somehow.  Oh right, they’re negative assholes.  All of my parents are negative narcissistic Nellies.  

The new Christmas tradition with my partner includes us travelling via ferry to Nova Scotia and driving a couple of hours to her family home to spend Christmas with them.  Her mom always has a beautifully decorated tree that I sit and admire.  We get together Christmas morning and open gifts with the little nieces, a.k.a the cutest little girls in the world.  Watching their excitement as they tear open presents is pretty adorable.

Everyone down home makes fantastic foods and sweets.  My sister in law makes this to die for lobster dip that really is a gift in itself.   I can almost taste that velvety creamy delectable dip piled high on a salty ripple potato chip.  I also really look forward to my mother in law’s cooking, particularly her stuffing.  The brother in law is a lobsterman so there’s often fresh lobster which was always a tradition for my father as well.  Lobster for Christmas Eve.  I LOVE SEAFOOD.  I usually try to fill up on as much as I can we go back to Nova Scotia. 

Yeah, so I guess Christmas is about food to me now. 

And the Doctor Who Christmas episode of course.  That’s a tradition.

I love homemade cookies, shortbread, gingerbread, fruitcake, squares, pie, and cake.  I love hors d’oeuves and finger foods.  I love turkey dinner and more importantly, the Boxing Day Turkey sandwich.  This is a sandwich that combines leftover turkey, gravy, dressing, and cranberry sauce (homemade not canned) in to a sandwich that I literally think of ALL year long.  I begin anticipating it heavily as I help package up Christmas dinner and do the dishes.  You think I’m helping, but I’m really surveying what’s remaining for tomorrow’s sandwich rubbing my hands eagerly together like some kind of holiday sandwich fiend.  

So even though I don’t spend the holidays with my family, I am grateful for my partner’s family.  Who really are better people anyway.  I just wish I could buy presents for people.  The fun part of Christmas is giving people gifts.  Not getting but giving.  I usually get really stoked when I have found the perfect gift for someone, it just makes you feel good.

We don’t have a tree in our apartment although we would love one.  There isn’t much room for one and we really don’t have the money to buy a tree, the lights and ornaments and stuff so it doesn’t really feel like Christmas for us until a couple of days before when we arrive at her mother’s house.  It won’t feel like Christmas for a while yet.

The Blog Broad Blogmas
My beautiful fiancée, the Blog Broad & Lucy the dog

What are your traditions?  Are you participating in Blogmas this year?


Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,

Sam

Old Hag Hands and This Week’s News

This is the sickest I’ve been from a demon cold/flu in a couple of years.  I’ve really wanted to die be present online this past week and a half but I’ve been bouncing from fever to sleep, complete with weird fever dreams that I wake up from yelling and/or cursing accordingly.  To blowing my nose until it bleeds and I see stars, to coughing my ass off.  I’m hearing rumors that people are taking as long as 3 weeks to feel better from this one.  Kill me.  All I want is ice cream to feel better and get back to not mouth breathing blogging regularly.

I can't breath

To make matters worse, my wrist/hand is still not healed.  It aches like a motherf** the dickens.  Trying to do things I normally do like type, use a mouse, do dishes, laundry, sarcastically comment on random Facebook posts and jazz hands, leaves my hand throbbing and claw like, like a wrinkled evil old hag.

 

Evil old hag hands

I have in addition been visited by the crimson fairy of womanhood.  Fantastic.  So not only am I battling fevers, sickness and pain in addition to the ever present, everyday pain of ME/CFS, I now get to feel sad and fat about it.  So depressed.

PMS crying eating

I’ve been fairly absent on social media.  Sharing the odd dog gif or video.  Dogs always make me smile.  No matter what’s going on.  Their happy little faces, wagging tails and pure little souls always cheer me up.  This was this week’s personal favorite I came across on Facebook.

I haven’t really had the energy or the focus to delve much further than that.  I don’t feel like chatting.  I don’t want to hear what Trump did or didn’t do this week.  I don’t care how sports did.  I have no idea what happened in news but if I had to guess I bet it looks something like this;

someone experienced an injustice

someone got caught up in a scandal

that actor you like is a pedo

something big happened in that trial you’re following

environmental disaster

more murder

something happened with/we learned something from/about animals

I don’t know.  I’m just bitchy and don’t need to read about shit I can’t do anything about right now.  God Bless.  Good luck.  My apologies.

I’m trying to set up tomorrow’s cannabis blog.  Thank God I had 2 stories up my sleeve so I didn’t really have to interview anyone.  I’m catching up with this week’s Coronation Street episodes and my favorite Doctor Who episodes in honor of its 54 year birthday.  I’ll probably be awake until the wee hours of morn getting it all set up.
Probably just as well because my poor “C” is getting this bug now and she can probably use some uninterrupted sleep.  I’m coughing a lot and sniffling in addition to my standard pain grunts and CFS yawns.  Poor dear.

I may need more hot chocolate.

Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,

Sam

 

 

Images

I can’t breath through my nose  Tumblr.com tagged/flu-gifs

Old hag  i.ytimg.com /and on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKpu81vZPc4

Cry eating gif  http://37.media.tumblr.com

Dog Dives into Really Muddy Pond  Facebook/ UNILAD