Blogmas Not So Much

The Blog Broad BlogmasI started to write Blogmas posts but quite frankly, I’m just not feeling writing about Christmas.  See my first Blogmas post here.

It’s all so commercial.  Geared towards the consumer.  I haven’t been a proper consumer in years.  I haven’t been able to work in years.  I’m trying to do things from home.  It’s picking up but it’s slow going.   When you’re poor and chronically ill and in pain daily, your priorities change in life.  Where, at one time I fretted over things like the perfectly decorated Christmas Tree, or making sure I baked enough cookies.  Will I get all my Christmas shopping done in time?  Now I think things like, can I stay awake long enough to visit with people?  How many bed ridden days will this holiday bring?  Can I handle the stress of the travels?  Am I going to break down and cry in front of her family?  Am I going to annoy my partner because I’m so exhausted I’m going to need to rest when she wants to go out?  Please don’t let my dog poop in the house.  There’s a lot of stairs in that house and the house itself is huge.  My body is not used to that, so my legs and back often give out while I’m there.  It’s embarrassing.  ME/CFS is embarrassing.  The only other people who understand it, typically, are those with the disease.  To others, we’re just depressed or lazy or need to get out more or or or.

My partner and I also both lost our fathers.  Hers to cancer about 16 months ago; mine at his own choice by cutting me out 18 months ago.  The loss of her father still hangs heavily on everyone’s hearts.  He was a great man.  A kind, gentle and caring man; one of a kind.  My father, still alive, has always been kind of a jerk.  Selfish, immature and somewhat ignorant of the world.  He’s not a loving man.  Nevertheless, he’s my Dad.  I still love him and his absence hurts.  My mother’s absence hurts; we haven’t spoke in 5 years.  Family is actually incredibly important to me and it’s always bothered me that mine is so fractured.

Being chronically ill disables you.  Physically and mentally.  Unfortunately many of us fall into that grey area on paper where you don’t qualify for provincial or federal benefits.  Most people require legal representation to get those federal benefits.  If you can’t work, you rely on your “family”.  My family consists of my partner “C”, my dog Lucy, my partner’s family and my sisters from other misters.  These are my close gal pals that I confide in.  That confide in me.  They’ve helped me many times.  I trust these women.  In my life, I haven’t been able to rely on or really trust my own blood family, but I can trust these women.  They are my support.

I have other things on my mind right now besides Christmas.  I’m more concerned about getting by day by day.  My partner’s job could be gone any time because there’s no job security where she works.  I can’t go in to detail about what she does as it’s kind of a public job.  It’s stressful.  So, are we out spending money on presents?  No, we’re trying to keep up with bills and the ever increasing cost of eating healthfully which costs just as much as our rent I might add.

Do I want to write a holiday inspired post everyday?  No.  Not really?  I just don’t give a tiny rat’s ass right now.  I’m still battling a virus, my partner has it, my wrist is still healing/broken.  I won’t know unless I sit at the hospital emergency for hours and hours because let’s face it, it’s not really an emergency, I just don’t have a doctor and really need an X-ray.

B’ah.  Humbug.

I need a nap.

The Blog Broad tag line
Sam

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Tag Along: A Christmas Tag (Blogmas #2)

I tried to finish this last night but I’m still having issues with my wrist and hand.  Pretty sure I broke something or at least, fractured bone(s).  Typing can be painful and using a mouse, almost impossible but here goes.  Better late than never.

I’m tagging on to OHWords Christmas Tag.  Apparently, bloggers post questions and you answer them in your own blog and share the link.  I’m not the Christmas-y type so I’ll do my best.

 

1. What is your favorite Christmas Tradition?

I used to love filling my dining room table with Christmas goodies and snacks and having people drop by all day Christmas Eve.  We’d have egg nog, my tree would be gorgeous and the Christmas tunes would be blaring.  That was my old tradition.

Now, the tradition I look forward to is Christmas Day breakfast.  Surprise, Sam likes breakfast food.  After the presents are open and the mess cleaned up, we retreat to the kitchen to indulge in the annual breakfast.  Last year, my sister in law made this amazing French toast bake.  I hope she makes it again this year because quite frankly, I’ve been thinking about it ever since last Christmas

2. Where do you spend Christmas?

At my mother in law’s house in Pubnico, Nova Scotia.

3. What is your favorite Christmas Song? 

I have 2.

Silent Night by Stevie Nicks

Carol of the Bells by the Trans Siberian Orchestra- you know the one that’s mislabeled as Metallica everywhere.  I thought it was with Metallica up until today when I researched it.  Color me disappointed.

4. Do you decorate before or after Thanksgiving?

I’m Canadian.  Our Thanksgiving is in October.  I usually wait until the second week of December.  I’m not one of those fools that put holiday decorations and trees up in November.  It probably stems from growing up with my father, The Grinch and The Grinch’s wife.  We didn’t put up our tree until usually a week before Christmas.

5. Tinsel or garland?

Neither.  It’s not the 70s anymore and I don’t feel like pulling tinsel out of my dog’s arse.

6. Who are you most excited to see this Christmas season?

Probably the little nieces.  They’re so adorable.  Blonde hair, big blue eyes and full of spunk.

7. Do you own an ugly Christmas sweater?

Nope.  But if I did it would probably be Doctor Who.  I saw a Dalek Christmas sweater and I want it.

8. What is one Christmas food you cannot live without? 

Now, I’m all about the lobster dip.  And cashews.  I love cashews.

9. Peppermint or gingerbread?

Gingerbread.

10. Have you ever tried fruit cake?

Yes.  I love fruitcake.  Preferably dark.  I’m the only person I know that loves fruitcake.  It’s spectacular with tea.  If you receive a fruitcake this year and don’t want it, I’m considering opening a P.O box specifically for your fruitcake donations.

11. What is one thing you asked for this Christmas?

I don’t really ask for anything.  I could use some socks and underwear.  I need a new IPad.  All of my devices are 5 and 6 years old respectively.  it’s getting to be quite the hassle.

12. If you could be any Christmas movie character, who would you be?

I would be Clark Griswold and have a big old fashioned family Christmas complete with a bohemoth tree.  Unfortunately, I am more like the Dad from A Christmas Story.  “Frag-il-ay.  Must be Italian.”

A Christmas Story Dad
It’s a major award

 

Well, there you have it.  Feel free to tag along..

 

Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,

Sam

 

Images

The old man admiring his major award  http://www.achristmasstoryhouse.com/a-christmas-story-movie-facts/the-leg-lamp/

New Traditions and Eating Your Face Off (Blogmas #1)

So I see that people are well in to their Blogmas traditions of writing Christmas inspired posts each day leading up to Christmas.  

I’m not going to give you my favorite cookie recipes, because I don’t have any.  I’m not going to tell you the best places to go or shop because, I’m poor.  I don’t Christmas shop because I can’t Christmas shop.  This is the third year in a row I can’t shop.  I only earn a little bit of money each month from blogging and doing my neighbor’s laundry.  It doesn’t equate to much.

Why don’t you make something for Christmas?  Well, you see I am short materials to do any of the crafts I typically do.  I need yarn (and frankly I am not a gifted knitter), I need paints and canvases as I am out of all those.  I don’t have ink in my printer, so homemade cards are out, I don’t have any construction paper either so.. Crafts are out.

To be honest, I kind of hate Christmas now.  I have no contact with my family.  They don’t want to see me.  My illness has inconvenienced them where I owe them money for an old loan.  They don’t even believe I have an illness, I’m simply lazy.  I have a lot of resentment towards my family now.  I don’t care if see them anymore.  To lose control over your body at a fairly young age and NOT have any support, love or compassion from your parents is miserably lonely and I’m so angry at them all (my parents are divorced and remarried so I have 4) for never being there for me.  Ever.  Any time in my life I have needed help from my parents, they’ve ignored me.  Just like when I lived with my father growing up, he ignored me.  I felt invisible.  If I cried in my bedroom- he simply turned the volume up on the TV.  I took myself to the hospital and paid for my own medications and pads.  He wouldn’t even buy me pads.

My mother hasn’t spoken to me in years banning me from ever calling her house.  I guess I was a little too happy the last time I called, it seemed to offend them somehow.  Oh right, they’re negative assholes.  All of my parents are negative narcissistic Nellies.  

The new Christmas tradition with my partner includes us travelling via ferry to Nova Scotia and driving a couple of hours to her family home to spend Christmas with them.  Her mom always has a beautifully decorated tree that I sit and admire.  We get together Christmas morning and open gifts with the little nieces, a.k.a the cutest little girls in the world.  Watching their excitement as they tear open presents is pretty adorable.

Everyone down home makes fantastic foods and sweets.  My sister in law makes this to die for lobster dip that really is a gift in itself.   I can almost taste that velvety creamy delectable dip piled high on a salty ripple potato chip.  I also really look forward to my mother in law’s cooking, particularly her stuffing.  The brother in law is a lobsterman so there’s often fresh lobster which was always a tradition for my father as well.  Lobster for Christmas Eve.  I LOVE SEAFOOD.  I usually try to fill up on as much as I can we go back to Nova Scotia. 

Yeah, so I guess Christmas is about food to me now. 

And the Doctor Who Christmas episode of course.  That’s a tradition.

I love homemade cookies, shortbread, gingerbread, fruitcake, squares, pie, and cake.  I love hors d’oeuves and finger foods.  I love turkey dinner and more importantly, the Boxing Day Turkey sandwich.  This is a sandwich that combines leftover turkey, gravy, dressing, and cranberry sauce (homemade not canned) in to a sandwich that I literally think of ALL year long.  I begin anticipating it heavily as I help package up Christmas dinner and do the dishes.  You think I’m helping, but I’m really surveying what’s remaining for tomorrow’s sandwich rubbing my hands eagerly together like some kind of holiday sandwich fiend.  

So even though I don’t spend the holidays with my family, I am grateful for my partner’s family.  Who really are better people anyway.  I just wish I could buy presents for people.  The fun part of Christmas is giving people gifts.  Not getting but giving.  I usually get really stoked when I have found the perfect gift for someone, it just makes you feel good.

We don’t have a tree in our apartment although we would love one.  There isn’t much room for one and we really don’t have the money to buy a tree, the lights and ornaments and stuff so it doesn’t really feel like Christmas for us until a couple of days before when we arrive at her mother’s house.  It won’t feel like Christmas for a while yet.

The Blog Broad Blogmas
My beautiful fiancée, the Blog Broad & Lucy the dog

What are your traditions?  Are you participating in Blogmas this year?


Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,

Sam