New Traditions and Eating Your Face Off (Blogmas #1)

So I see that people are well in to their Blogmas traditions of writing Christmas inspired posts each day leading up to Christmas.  

I’m not going to give you my favorite cookie recipes, because I don’t have any.  I’m not going to tell you the best places to go or shop because, I’m poor.  I don’t Christmas shop because I can’t Christmas shop.  This is the third year in a row I can’t shop.  I only earn a little bit of money each month from blogging and doing my neighbor’s laundry.  It doesn’t equate to much.

Why don’t you make something for Christmas?  Well, you see I am short materials to do any of the crafts I typically do.  I need yarn (and frankly I am not a gifted knitter), I need paints and canvases as I am out of all those.  I don’t have ink in my printer, so homemade cards are out, I don’t have any construction paper either so.. Crafts are out.

To be honest, I kind of hate Christmas now.  I have no contact with my family.  They don’t want to see me.  My illness has inconvenienced them where I owe them money for an old loan.  They don’t even believe I have an illness, I’m simply lazy.  I have a lot of resentment towards my family now.  I don’t care if see them anymore.  To lose control over your body at a fairly young age and NOT have any support, love or compassion from your parents is miserably lonely and I’m so angry at them all (my parents are divorced and remarried so I have 4) for never being there for me.  Ever.  Any time in my life I have needed help from my parents, they’ve ignored me.  Just like when I lived with my father growing up, he ignored me.  I felt invisible.  If I cried in my bedroom- he simply turned the volume up on the TV.  I took myself to the hospital and paid for my own medications and pads.  He wouldn’t even buy me pads.

My mother hasn’t spoken to me in years banning me from ever calling her house.  I guess I was a little too happy the last time I called, it seemed to offend them somehow.  Oh right, they’re negative assholes.  All of my parents are negative narcissistic Nellies.  

The new Christmas tradition with my partner includes us travelling via ferry to Nova Scotia and driving a couple of hours to her family home to spend Christmas with them.  Her mom always has a beautifully decorated tree that I sit and admire.  We get together Christmas morning and open gifts with the little nieces, a.k.a the cutest little girls in the world.  Watching their excitement as they tear open presents is pretty adorable.

Everyone down home makes fantastic foods and sweets.  My sister in law makes this to die for lobster dip that really is a gift in itself.   I can almost taste that velvety creamy delectable dip piled high on a salty ripple potato chip.  I also really look forward to my mother in law’s cooking, particularly her stuffing.  The brother in law is a lobsterman so there’s often fresh lobster which was always a tradition for my father as well.  Lobster for Christmas Eve.  I LOVE SEAFOOD.  I usually try to fill up on as much as I can we go back to Nova Scotia. 

Yeah, so I guess Christmas is about food to me now. 

And the Doctor Who Christmas episode of course.  That’s a tradition.

I love homemade cookies, shortbread, gingerbread, fruitcake, squares, pie, and cake.  I love hors d’oeuves and finger foods.  I love turkey dinner and more importantly, the Boxing Day Turkey sandwich.  This is a sandwich that combines leftover turkey, gravy, dressing, and cranberry sauce (homemade not canned) in to a sandwich that I literally think of ALL year long.  I begin anticipating it heavily as I help package up Christmas dinner and do the dishes.  You think I’m helping, but I’m really surveying what’s remaining for tomorrow’s sandwich rubbing my hands eagerly together like some kind of holiday sandwich fiend.  

So even though I don’t spend the holidays with my family, I am grateful for my partner’s family.  Who really are better people anyway.  I just wish I could buy presents for people.  The fun part of Christmas is giving people gifts.  Not getting but giving.  I usually get really stoked when I have found the perfect gift for someone, it just makes you feel good.

We don’t have a tree in our apartment although we would love one.  There isn’t much room for one and we really don’t have the money to buy a tree, the lights and ornaments and stuff so it doesn’t really feel like Christmas for us until a couple of days before when we arrive at her mother’s house.  It won’t feel like Christmas for a while yet.

The Blog Broad Blogmas
My beautiful fiancée, the Blog Broad & Lucy the dog

What are your traditions?  Are you participating in Blogmas this year?


Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,

Sam

Guilty Pleasures

Kraft Light Peanut Butter
The ONLY Peanut Butter

We all have our guilty pleasures.  Those weird little things that give us joy or instant gratification that we rarely talk about out of fear of being made fun of.  Well, fear be damned.  I’m coming clean.

On Being “Dirty”

One of my many guilty pleasures happens rarely.  I’m a clean freak.  Like personal hygiene- clean freak.  Even though I have ME/CFS and arthritis which sometimes means I am in too much pain to get a shower that day, I always push myself to do so even if it means I am lying on the tub floor while the shower beats off my sore body.  Every now and then though, I say Fuck it.  I’m not doing it today.  Then I proceed to remain filthy for the day.  Filthy to me anyway.  It’s not like I’m going out daily getting covered in tar and feathers, I rarely leave my house and I am more likely to be covered in peanut butter toast crumbs.  The part 2 of my filthy day involves just laying on the couch all day reading a good book with my dog laying on me.  No phone, no texts, no Facebook or Twitter notifications.  Just dirty me and a book.  Heavenly.

Not Giving a Fuck by Sarah Knight
Was a Good Read

British Television

TARDIS
The TARDIS

Most of my favorite TV shows are British.  My 2 absolute favorites being Doctor Who and Coronation Street.  I own EVERY Doctor Who episode from Classic to the 2010 Reboot/current series.  The only episodes I don’t own are the ones that were destroyed or lost by BBC.  54 years of the Doctor, his companions and their travels.  I have Doctor Who everything in my home.  Shirts, Bathroom accessories, including a TARDIS toothbrush holder, mugs, glasses, nightlight, calendars, Christmas Tree decorations including a Weeping Angel tree topper.  Daleks everywhere.  Let’s just say, when “C” and I first met, her first impression of me was Giant Nerd/Dork.  As for Coronation Street, I’ve been watching on and off since I was a child.  My grandfather watched it, and my mother watched it.  I’ve been a die-hard fan, never missing an episode for about a decade now.  I’ve read the giant book, “Four Decades of Life on the Street”, I have a pile of Corrie magazines, a Corrie Teapot, tea mug, keychain and even the limited edition Corrie Trivia Game that I have never played with anyone.  It’s predictable sure, everyone sleeps with everyone else’s spouses, someone is always evil and someone will get their “come uppance” soon.  I love it.  Other honorable mentions go to Downton Abbey, The Thick of It, The Catherine Tate Show, BlackAdder, Red Dwarf, Peep Show, (and anything Mitchell and Webb do), Sherlock, Black Mirror, and Absolutely Fabulous (anything Jennifer Saunders does really).  I just find British TV more satisfying than American programming.  The acting is better, the writing is better and it’s deeper.  I find American TV goes beyond what it needs to be, trying to impress with effects and set designs and large salaries but the scripts and writing are often too weak for me.  No.

Coronation Street Trivia Game
My Corrie Game

 

Coronation Street Four Decades of Life on the Street
My Corrie Bible

 

 

Doctor Who Bathroom
My TARDIS bathroom
Doctor Who Christmas Tree
My ‘Who Tree

On Peanut Butter & Snacks

Diet Coke
mmmm.. Refreshing..

I’m a peanut butter freak.  “C” always complains I don’t leave her any.  I put that shit on everything.  I even dip plain potato chips in it.  If I’m hungry, I grab a spoonful of peanut butter and the world seems right again.  I am also addicted to Diet Coke.  I know it’s bad for me with it’s aspartame and such but I just can’t give it up.  To me, there are few things more appealing than an ice cold can of Diet Coke in all it’s carbonated glory.  Delicious.  Satisfying.  Bad for you.  I cannot be trusted around baked goods either.  Despite my gluten intolerance and severe reactions:  if I see cake, I’m eating cake.  I am not above getting up in the middle of the night at my mother in law’s house and sneaking up to the kitchen oh so quietly to sample her baked wares.  She’s an excellent baker, and I can’t resist or control myself.  I usually end up going home swollen with skin issues and one partially closed eye, but… Cake.  Other guilty pleasure snacks include dark chocolate (preferably with peanut butter), potato chips in a rainbow of flavors and seeds and nuts.

On Music Preferences

The Carpenters
We’ve Only Just Begun..

My favorite band of all time is Metallica.  I have been a fan since I was 13 years old and have all their albums.  I listen to them almost daily.  Other favorites include Queens of the Stone Age, anything Jack White does, the Black Keys and 90s Grunge.   That being said, when I’m in a mood, I’m not above blasting Kelly Clarkson, Cher, Jill Barber, ABBA or old Carpenters tunes.  My favorite, feeling good song is Nina Simone’s I’m Feeling Good.  I also reluctantly, enjoy Kanye West‘s old music.  Jesus Walks is my all time favorite rap/hip hop tune.  I’m not versed in new music at all.  I kind of found a decade I liked and stuck with it.  I am not ashamed of knowing all the lyrics to old Linda Ronstadt songs either.

My Hobbies & Interests

Mini Dachshunds in knitted scarvesI have many.  I have a hard time just sitting still and doing nothing.  I need to have something to do with my  hands at all times.  Be it a video game on my IPad, coloring in one of my many Adult Coloring books, knitting or writing.  I used to paint as well and it’s something I really miss but I need supplies.  I have painted pet portraits for a living in the past.  Animals are my favorite painting subject.  Particularly dogs.  They have such expressive faces and pure souls.  It brought me a lot of joy.  I created a website for my paintings several years ago but I haven’t kept it up to date but you can view my paintings here  (it’s not set up for mobile devices however).

Knitting dishcloths
Knitting Dishcloths

 

Other Things to Come Clean About

I’m a book hoarder collector.  I have hundreds of books and thousands more digitally.  I’ll never read them all in my lifetime.  It doesn’t stop me from getting new books though.

I like taking hour long baths with my Ipad.  I put something good on, like I don’t know, Doctor Who, and sit in the hot water submersed.  It’s heavenly and oh so relaxing.

I love ALL the dogs.  I may not know your name, but I know your dog’s name, his interests and time of day he likes to poop.

I love miniature things.  I have a miniature dachshund.  If it were socially acceptable, I’d still have a dollhouse to play with and rearrange the furniture in.  Someday, I will have an old haunted dollhouse.  Even if I’m 80.

 

What are some of your Guilty Pleasures?  

 

Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,

Sam

 

Images

TARDIS  http://www.radiotimes.com/news/2017-09-05/chris-chibnall-already-has-an-idea-for-the-next-female-doctor/

The Carpenters https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Very_Best_of_the_Carpenters

Kraft Peanut Butter  https://www.walmart.ca/en/ip/kraft-smooth-light-peanut-butter/6000145830458

Diet Coke  https://vip21deliveryservices.com/product/diet-coke-can/

Other Images are my own. 

Things I Do That Drive My Partner Crazy

I’m a bit of a weirdo.  I have many idiosyncrasies that drive My partner nuts.  Besides staying up all night writing…

Random Singing.  I sing and hum all the time.  I drove her nuts one day when I was cleaning.  I always play music when I’m cleaning.  I frequently sing along to the music or hum.  I hummed throughout Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush so much so, she got up from the couch to get her own headphones and proceeded to drown out my humming with heavy metal.

Liz Lemon singing

Eating in Bed.  She goes to bed early as her work schedule demands it.  I usually go to bed with her even if I’m not tired.  I watch TV on my IPad with headphones and the screen dimmed.  The problem is that I’m a big snacker.  I don’t have much of an appetite during the day and prefer to eat small snacks over large meals.  So when I’m up late watching TV I get the munchies and next thing I know, I’m bringing the peanut butter to bed.  Sometimes I eat chips quietly.  You have to put the entire chip in your mouth and kind of suck on it as to not make a bunch of crunching sounds to not wake your partner.  Other foods I have brought in to the bed include; granola bars, apples (although I have been banned from eating apples in bed because of the crunching) nuts, deli meats and cheese, pizza and ribs, yep- ribs are spectacular in bed.  I have a special “rib eatin'” tank top.  I am very careful not to leave crumbs utilizing a saucer beneath my chin as a catch tray.

Homer eating bed

Patience with technology.   Everything’s just so damn complicated and tedious now.  I’m a cranky ol’ broad who just wants to watch my Netflix.  Don’t tell me I have to upgrade my Windows 7, clear all my cookies, reboot my computer and spin in 3 counter clockwise circles with a fucking eagle feather whilst praying.   Also, why in the hell can I NOT copy and paste from Google docs to WordPress?  If you think I’m gonna re type everything like a fucking chump you must be mad!  I also threw my last record player in a dumpster.

Fuck computers

Free?  Yes please!  I am poor.  I love Freebies, even if it embarrasses my partner.  Sure, I took like 20 packs of hot sauce from Taco Bell.  My partner loves hot sauce.  I had purse hot sauce for months for her.  Who was the winner?

I love free

I love my dog.  She’s super cute and funny and loveable and perfect.  I don’t see the problem.  I am admittedly, addicted to dogs.

Dog freak

I tend to collect things.  When “C” and I moved in together, she was met with a plethora of Doctor Who memorabilia, zombie posters and various nods to the TV show, Supernatural.  I had a lot of clothes, records and books.  I have since scaled down my belongings, keeping only what I deemed essential.  Several TARDISs remain in the home and we’re still fighting over my Twilight books.

My stuff

I’m a night owl.  I love the the peace and quiet of night.  It’s often when I do my best writing.  I used to paint and knit at night as well.  My creativity goes in to hyperdrive during these hours.  I still sometimes draw funny cartoons for my partner to wake up to.  I have ALWAYS been a night owl.  I love staying up at night watching  my forbidden shows and documentaries.  The ones my partner deems dumb or boring or so lame.  Sometimes I am even still awake when her alarm goes off at 4 am enjoying a radio show or engaging in one of my weird hobbies.  A special nod to Alien & UFO Discolsure and Coast to Coast am for keeping me awake at night.  I also enjoy colouring.

40 year old virgin painting miniatures

In addition, I also have a terrible case of Dad humor.  

“You feel like chocolate?  You don’t look like chocolate”

*loud eyeroll*


How do you drive your partner nuts?  I can’t be the only one.
Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,

Sam

 

Gifs

Peter Griffin writing with a quill  https://youtu.be/yKxGy8NJp44

Liz Lemon singing  https://media.giphy.com/media/9s5Vbbtmd1lkc/giphy.gif
Homer eating in bed  https://media.giphy.com/media/5EYxJigLKsNWg/giphy.gif
Hoarding  https://theblogbroadblog.files.wordpress.com/2017/10/d7c58-2bg-hoardfall.gif
Ron Swanson computer in trash  https://i.pinimg.com/originals/74/9d/64/749d64e129bd9f9eda94e5844bcb2686.gif
Freebies  http://media.tumblr.com/64839788fe3bd893aeda8fad4fbd40e9/tumblr_inline_mmhu2xRmFn1qz4rgp.gi

Dog lover  http://www.unfather.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/dog-forced.gif

40 year old virgin gif   https://media.giphy.com/media/11oJIpiuWk69mU/giphy.gif

I’m Drowning in Notifications

It’s Sunday (but feels like Saturday with undertones of Wednesday).  It’s a grey humid day and I need tea.  I’m stumbling around after a restless night’s sleep from the sinister torment creeping through my legs from myofascial pain and arthritis, muttering to myself about the good old days and whether spiders are as afraid of us as we are of them like the old lady I am quickly morphing in to.  I am trying to clean out my emails from both accounts and holy shit, the amount of emails is overwhelming.  Overwhelming to the point where I avoid it sometimes so long that it literally takes hours to sift through.  I have to psych myself up to even open it. “Ok, you’ve got to do this, here’s some wine, here’s some Queens of the Stone Age and a big fattie, and.. Go!”

 

Let me begin by saying, as a staunchly anal retentive woman of my forties, I simply cannot understand the need for so much communication.  Before the Internet age and smartphones we never knew what other people were doing at any given point in the day, and that was ok.  We didn’t need to talk and stay in touch constantly.  There was quiet time and face to face time and time to read books.  We even used to watch TV and just sit there, on one channel through the commercials and all- doing nothing!  That seems like a lifetime ago.  The other day I noticed that when I posted on Facebook I got a notification letting me know I just posted on Facebook.  Like, I was there Bitch!  I know!

 

I can’t stand the constant notifications.  I have disabled all of them on my laptop but in case something happens, I have slight FOMO- (fear of missing out) I have not disabled them on my phone although I do, at the frustration of many, constantly keep my phone on silent.  I have PTSD and even the sound of the TARDIS materializing (my notification sound) or the Coronation Street theme (my ringtone) often scares the crap out of me.   My problem is that I can’t stand to see the light on my phone blinking or a red number icon showing on my apps alerting me to notifications.  I HAVE to clear it.  I’m drowning in fucking notifications.  I have taken to turning my phone off at night because of the damn blinking light and my constant need to clear it.

 

The Facebook emails.  The majority of my inbox consists of Facebook, Twitter and WordPress notifications.  These are apps that I am on daily, regularly.  Why can’t I just get notified on the app rather than receive an email, a text, a telegram, morse code and a carrier pigeon telling me someone liked my post/tweet/blog?  I don’t know, maybe there is a way of eliminating all these emails, if someone knows how, please tell me in the comments before I lose my damn mind.

 

It’s a typical Sunday here in Saint John.  I’m playing with this useless Snapchat app that all the kids are using, another time waster and more notifications. The wife is making homemade egg rolls which takes her hours so I am preparing myself for the cursing, the tears, the throwing of things and the eating of the ones that don’t come out perfect.  The pain is bad today so I’m just gonna get vertical on the couch with Lucy the Dog and the Doctor (this past season of Doctor Who for the fourth time), while I think about the good old days and what I would do in the event of a Cyberman attack, oh and clear 600 emails and notifications.

 

How was your weekend?

 

Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,

 

Sam

Snapchat

 Find me on SnapChat sam_clattenburg if you’re bored