Just a Broad

The Blog Broad Blog

When did you start blogging/why?

I started blogging 5 years ago with the encouragement of friends, under a pen name- Sparky Lee Anderson.  I chose a pen name because if my blog was terrible I guess it would never be attached to my name and no one in my family and no one I went to school with would know I failed as a writer.  I came up with the name as I was “sparking” a doobie one night while watching X Files.  Having had a crush on Gillian Anderson who portrays Dana Scully since the show began, I went with Anderson.

I was published in 2014 in a Horror Anthology titled The Horror Addict’s Guide to Life.  I wrote a non-fiction piece titled, The Horror Addict’s Guide to Good Health.  I was proud of myself.  I worked hard at it and my submission was accepted and I would finally see my name in print.  Well, not exactly, my pen name was in print, and no one really cared that I got published.

Earlier this year I decided I wanted to change how I write.  Lose the pen name and write as myself.  I came up with a new blog title which I thought really encapsulated who I was as a writer.  Stephen King I am not (although he is and always will be my biggest idol.  Ever.  In the universe.).  I am however, just a broad (my Facebook profile states just that- Just a Broad) and I blog about a variety of topics; barring Beauty and Lifestyle – there are plenty of people that blog about that.  The Blog Broad was born.

But why don’t you blog about beauty or lifestyle?

I am broke.

I am 43

I have never left Canada

I”m a lesbian

I’m usually in sweatpants or jammies

I have bigger things to think about than the right shade of concealer or “maximum coverage” whatever that is.  Isn’t that just a bag over your head?  There.  There’s your maximum coverage.

*if you are reading this and you’re a beauty or lifestyle blogger, my apologies.  Your make up and/or trips look great and/or intriguing.  Thank you for reading.

 

So what do you write about?

Well, I write about what it’s like being in a lesbian relationship like in The Mysteries of the Lesbian Relationship Revealed  or in Things I Do That Drive My Partner Crazy .

I also write about my feelings for my narcissistic parents.  Like in I Can’t Throw it Away, These Things are Valuable to Some People

I get annoyed with technology a lot.  I write about that too, in I’m Drowning in Notifications I rant about having to be notified for everything you do online.  If you’re a subscriber for example, you were notified when I published this piece.

I write frequently about dealing with my many health issues, like PTSD, ME/CFS/Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety and chronic pain.  Sometimes I write humorous posts because honestly, my humor is all I have left that’s still in tact.

I even write about weird things that happen to me.  Like in A Ghost Sat on Me, I write about some paranormal experiences I’ve had here in Saint John, New Brunswick Canada

I try to be encouraging, supportive and respectful to other bloggers.  There’s enough nastiness in the world and not enough kindness.

 

So, what’s the point of your blog?

It’s for me first of all.  It helps, flushing out your feelings on to the keyboard, sending it out in to cyberspace even if no one reads is cathartic and therapeutic.  I like to make people laugh and smile, so if I can do that to one person a day…   In addition, if there’s one more depressed lesbian out there suffering with PTSD and chronic pain well then, maybe this blog is for you and maybe we can exchange emails.

What is your endgame Sam?

Boy, I’m glad I asked.  Eventually, I would like to publish books.  Books I have written just to be clear.  Preferably non fiction, something humorous and relatable to others.  I’d like to publish a book of my poetry as well as a book of short stories.  This is my goal.

The act of blogging regularly helps enforce consistency and setting writing schedules prepares me for a career in writing which is what I want.  I’ve wanted it since I was 6 years old when I got my first typewriter.  I’m running out of time!

Tell me, why do you blog and what got you started?  Did you use a pen name?  What are your writing goals?

 

Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,

Sam

A Letter To My 10 Year Old Self

Writing a letterAs I was spreading a thick layer of depilatory cream on my upper lip and chin this evening, it occurred to me that no one prepared me for this. No one told me I’d have to spend extra time in the mirror looking for errant black hairs. No one prepared me for having whiskers. No one told me I’d turn into a man for fuck’s sake and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it.  

Come to think of it, I feel like there have been a number of things I just wasn’t prepared for. I thought I would write a letter to my 10 year old self to warn her. 

Dear Sam,

I thought you would appreciate a head’s up from your future self. We are now 43 years old and things didn’t quite go as we thought it would, so I’m just going to lay it all out there for you in point form.  Brace yourself. 

You will get fat in your twenties, please for the love of God, stay away from those donuts, pizza and potato chips or at least pace yourself. Stay active and eat right. You may not be aware of this now but when you get older it becomes harder to poop, so eat all your fruits and vegetables.  

In the future we won’t be dating boys. You know how you like to watch Daisy Duke in her short shorts? In the future, this will become far more socially acceptable and you won’t have to hide your love of Madonna and her belly button. It will even become legal for a woman to marry another woman. They’ll throw parades for people like us and it will be fabulous. The only downside is that with gay marriage comes gay divorce and you will experience that too if you jump in too quickly and trust the wrong person. Pay close attention to the signs that your partner is cheating, you’ll be able to see that up close and in action in 2 short years when your mom and dad break up. 

You’ll become a dog person. I know that sounds impossible to you given your life long love of cats and all things kitty, but you will meet a dog one day that changes your mind about dogs and you’ll see how awesome they are.

Can you imagine a world where we can take our phones with us? Now, I know you’re thinking of one of those 15 pound phones with the giant aerial right? Looks like a shoebox? They get smaller, smaller and smaller and then a little bigger, then bigger again so we can watch TV on them! No one has house phones anymore. We all carry tiny computers around with us everywhere. Not like the Commodore 64 either. They’re lightening fast with bold bright lifelike colors and have this remarkable thing called the Internet. It’s like having a library at your fingertips with a world of information a click or tap away. The whole world is connected now and you can talk to someone on the other side of the world just like that. No one sends letters anymore and rarely do people actually TALK on the phones we all carry. We simply send each other text messages instead. In fact, we have basically developed a new language based solely on shortened words and pictures of faces we call emoticons. The whole thing is going to blow you away. You won’t need to visit libraries anymore, or bookstores for that matter, or really any stores since we have this thing called Amazon now that sells pretty much anything you will ever need. We don’t really do things in person anymore. You will hardly have to leave your house. The only problem is that we end up giving away all of our privacy and personal information in exchange for the convenience. There’s a book you should read, it’s called 1984 by George Orwell, that should explain it better for you. 

The world is a pretty crazy place right now, the Americans elected Donald Trump as their President. I know. Our Prime Minister is actually Pierre Trudeau’s son and he got elected with a promise of legal pot for everyone. You know that stuff from the Cheech and Chong movies your parents watch? Well in the future, a lot of people use it for medication, even you.

You will end up with crippling pain in your body from something called Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, or Fibromyalgia as they generalize it. You also end up with pretty severe Arthritis, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Degenerative Disc Disease and Endometriosis. You will have pain all the time and it will get worse as you age, so enjoy your life now. Enjoy being able to freely move and run, even with your bum ankles. Climb as many trees as you can find, sink as many basketballs as possible and ride your bike with total abandon because you will really miss that when you get older and your mobility decreases with illness.

You won’t ever be a Mom. I know you wanted to but that disease I told you about, Endometriosis, is going to cause cysts to grow all over your insides and destroy your uterus and you’ll only have one ovary. It’s okay though because in the future, less and less women are able to have babies, so you won’t be the only one. You can still have pets and enjoy your friends’ kids and honestly, you’ll be so tired and ill so frequently that you probably wouldn’t be the best mom anyway.  

A lot of famous people will die. People that you love. One of them, is Michael Jackson. Michael will leave quite the legacy. Some stuff will happen with him that you won’t know if you should believe. Just remember the good stuff about Michael. Robin Williams, Prince, David Bowie, Whitney Houston, George Michael and many others die unexpectedly. The one that will hurt the most is Leonard Nimmoy. I know how much you love Spock. On a side note, Star Trek is still going! They’re still making new movies and there will be several spin off series for you to look forward to.

Work hard in school. Work so hard that you earn scholarships. Education will become really expensive and very necessary to gain steady employment. Without it, you will have to work in retail or in call Centers answering questions and taking complaints from assholes. You’ll do it so long that when your phone does ring, it will make you sweat and shudder and throw up in your mouth a little bit. You will grow to loath a ringing telephone. 

Continue writing. Maybe work harder with that. In the future people can self publish, you won’t even need a publisher at first, you can write your book and put it right on Amazon. Keep reading, books never go out of style. Keep learning. Your love of learning will stay with you throughout your life.

One last thing I need to talk to you about it the reason you are sad. You have something called clinical depression and you already have a pretty remarkable case of something else called anxiety disorder. That’s the thing that makes you cry before you go to school, it’s what causes that pain you get in your stomach all the time. You will have this for the rest of your life. You will try many treatments, medications and lifestyle changes but it will always be there. Try not to let it get the best of you, learn to soothe yourself because your parents won’t. They will never understand it. Learn to be strong, secure and resilient. Learn to love yourself. You’re not alone and you will meet some pretty great friends that will become your chosen family.  

Your life will be hard but remember, God never gives us more than we can handle. You can apply that reasoning when you find out you can’t have babies. Also apply that logic when you don’t move past a B cup in bras.  

Stay strong little warrior. 

PS. You are lactose intolerant, please stop drinking milk and lay off the cheese slices.

Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,

Sam