Shopping, CFS and Channeling Little Edie

Having a moment of being more awake than asleep, I thought I’d pop on to WordPress to write a little blurb since I’ve been absent more than I’d like as of late.  The last post I wrote was a week ago, Substitute Gifts & Crying 8 Year Olds .  Chronic Fatigue is a bitch and my wrist/hand is still giving me the gears.

I went shopping the other day with my good friend Ocean Hayward from OHWords trying to find winter apparel for a reasonable price.  Lord I hate shopping but Ocean is really good at finding deals and thanks to her patience and determination, I was able to find both boots AND a jacket for less than $100.  Now I won’t freeze my arse off when I take my dog out for her pees, and I won’t teeter on the ice, ultimately falling with my grippy new waterproof boots.

I fell on the ice last year and it was both painful and embarrassing.  You know you’re getting old when you fall in public.  When you’re young and fall, people will often laugh and snicker at your misfortune but no harm no foul.  As you age, falling makes people gasp and rush to your side “OMG, are you OK?!”  like I’m in danger of breaking a hip now, which of course I am but that’s neither here nor there.

So I am winter ready now.

On our excursion, we came across this great little Thrift store, I found a couple of coats that I would love to have just for the hell of it.  One was this long black suede coat that made me feel like Stevie Nicks, the other coat I coveted was this old fur that reminds me of Little Edie from Grey Gardens.  (I’m obsessed with that documentary and Little Edie) I had to try it on.

Channeling Little Edie

If I had $60 to blow on nothing, I would have bought it.  I really want to dress up as Little Edie for a Halloween.  The other black coat, I would have just wore, but it wasn’t quite warm enough to justify buying it.

The only drawback is that shopping for a couple of hours and walking around, trying on boots and such in 9 different stores completely wiped me out.  Within an hour of getting home, I was virtually immobile.  Muscle spasms and extreme fatigue has kept me couch and bed bound the last 2 days.  Why do I have to pay so harshly for every bit of activity I partake in?  It’s frustrating.

When the fatigue is pumped up, I can’t write as I can’t focus.  I avoid social media because I find it overwhelming.  It’s like walking into a room where hundreds of people are all talking at once.  I just want peace and quiet.

I have neglected my household chores the past 2 days so I have a pile of laundry to do, all I really want to do is crawl back in to bed and binge watch Doctor Who.

How do you handle Chronic Fatigue/Chronic Pain? 

Are you a Social Media “avoider” as well?

I always love reading your comments.  Subscribe to my mailing list and follow me on Twitter @LezGeek

Live Humbly, be Charitable, Live Graciously,

Sam

 

Holy Sh*tballs 

The Blog Broad is busy.  After completing several interviews for the cannabis blog I write, I recieved an email from a company regarding an upcoming sponsored blog post.  Imagine my excitement at earning money from my blog.  This is what we all strive for whether we admit it or not from the moment we first set up our sites.

The Blog Broad
Happy Blog Broad! 😄

I’ve been working on that piece all day and reviewing my notes for the cannabis blog I publish Saturdays.

What great feeling.  I put a lot of work in to my blogs and social media.  More than I ever have.  So grateful it’s paying off.  

I’ve been walking around with a stupid smile on my face today.  

It’s a start.

In the meantime I’m still pecking away with a sprained hand and wrist.  It’s really painful but I’m pushing through it.  Not sure it’s a wise idea but I don’t have a choice.  These blogs won’t write themselves.  I looked into some speech to text apps but they’re not great.  Tedious really.  I can only get the free ones, the paid apps are probably better.

We had some flurries today in Saint John, NB.  It’s been bitterly cold and windy.  Ugh.  It begins.  The layers, the lace up boots, the hats, the cursing, the countdown to Spring.  Fuck winter.  Fuck it all.  You can take your minus temperatures and frigid winds and shove them up your igloo.  Not interested. 

Thank God there’s wine.

Please check out one of my other posts, like this one and don’t forget to subscribe to my mailing list and follow me on Twitter @LezGeek

Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,

Sam

Genderless Onesies & Other Winter Worries

Fall

The summer is nearing an end, you can tell because the store shelves are filling up with Halloween essentials.  The humid stifling summer air is being replaced by a cool breeze and the need for a sweater.  Soon the flip flops will be put away in exchange for reliable boots and warm socks.  Emerald trees against royal blue skies will give way to streets full of discarded leaves.  The sidewalks will be flooded in puddles of reds, yellows, and oranges in varying degrees of decay that crunch beneath your feet as you walk through them.

Fall has always been my favorite of the seasons.  It’s been scientifically proven that our olfactory senses come alive with the drop in temperature.  The smell of sunscreen and barbecues will be replaced by the smell of wood stoves, decomposing vegetation, crab apples and pumpkin spice.  I love everything about Fall.  The only thing I hate is that it ends far too soon ushering a good five or six months of winter.  My depression usually peaks during the winter months.  The eastern Canadian winters are very unforgiving so I end up staying inside more, selectively hibernating while I pack on the winter 10-15 pounds.  I consume Netflix and books to pass the days away until it’s bearable outside without having to wear several layers of clothing or being afraid of falling on ice and ending up as a viral video on all your friends’ Facebook feeds.

More than anything, I fear the impending isolation as it becomes increasingly difficult to get around.  I fear being alone with my uptight depression brain seeping it’s seasonal negativity.

Summer Sam is so much more fun.  She’s more upbeat.  She takes more pride in her appearance, has more energy and doesn’t experience the intense pain the cold damp weather brings.  She’s also a better dresser.  When the cold weather approaches she packs away her cute tops, comfy capris, summer dresses and cute sandals in a big Rubbermaid bin, and essentially transforms into a winter ready, fluffy, fleecy fashion crime.  It’s true.  In exchange for feeling like a lady, I get to revisit infancy in my warm genderless onesies.  Instead of showing off my fresh pedicures in a sassy sandal, I’m rocking high wool socks and my unisex, weather appropriate boots.  Fashion no longer matters to me as I simply try to stay warm, dry and comfortable.  I have no shame in taking my dog out to pee in my neighborhood wearing Christmas fleece jammies and a bitchy resting face come February.

Looking back, this was actually a pretty decent summer.  I got outside a lot, even got a tan for the first time in years even if no one else can tell besides me.  I swam.  I got to swim in the ocean, a lake and a pool.  I took a boat ride.  I reconnected with my old bestie.  We’ve been friends since the eighth grade and I never would have survived my teen years with my family without her.  My sister from another mister.  We reminisced about old times and shared some new ones as well.  I re launched my blog with a brand new name letting go of my old pen name and some of the ghosts that went with it.   I enjoyed sunny days with my love (“C”) as we walked around our neighborhood examining historic buildings that we previously missed.  We picnicked in the park with hamburgers and far too many pigeons for her liking. (personally, I love pigeons so I’d throw bits of food to attract them in hordes as “C” squealed in terror running away while I laughed).  We laughed a lot.  We loved a lot.   We took walks down the boardwalk with my miniature dachshund, Lucy, to people watch or watch the boats pull into port.  We got to visit and spend time with her family, my new family, who are some of the nicest people and best cooks you’d ever meet.  To finish off the summer, my city, Saint John, New Brunswick, is hosting the “Fundy Fan Fest”.  This is where artists, actors, filmmakers, get together for the fans.  I am a nerd.  I’m a Whovian (Doctor Who fanatic) and a lifelong Trekkie so this is my jam.   I couldn’t afford to attend much but I did end up visiting “Midnight” a.k.a the Impala from TV’s Supernatural.  I got to touch it. Midnight Impala

Kevin Smith This past Saturday night, “C” and I attended a live podcast performance of Jay and Silent Bob Get Old with Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes.  After the show, I got to meet Kevin Smith and give him a hug.  It was such a great moment for me.  I’ve admired his work since Mallrats and he remains as one of my all time favorite filmmakers.  It really was the pinnacle of my summer.   The blessings of a good summer will give me something to smile about on my sad pain days as the days grow colder and darker.

The battle for me lies in staying positive and active with my writing during the depressing winter months.    I tend to slip into self doubt, like most people would slip into sweatpants.  I need to resist that.   I need to resist that voice in the back of my mind that constantly tells me I’m not good enough.  I need to write daily even if I’m not happy with it.  I need to be as consistent in my writing as I am in fighting depression.

It’s a mixed bag of feelings as I grieve the loss of summer, and the warmth, welcome the Fall, while, fearing the winter…

Live Humbly, Be Charitable, Live Graciously,

Sam


Image – Fall- courtesy of Pixabay User Valiunic/Coffee